Archive for the ‘women’ Category
Dear Los Angelans:
I’m very excited to share with you some important mews. The legendary Baby Ketten Karaoke, with the baddest book in the universe, (where “bad” means “good” and “universe” means “Continental United States”) is opening a local satellite that will run first and third Sundays at the Ace Hotel in LA, starting Sunday, Aug 3rd! RSVP here!
It’s slated to be rooftop karaoke, with plenty of space for dancing and singing and hot tubbing and shenanigans, run by the Ketten’s close friend Meggie Nicole! If we have ever stood next to each other for any amount of time you have heard me run my mouth about Portland’s Baby Ketten, which is the best karaoke ever. The book is not just expansive but obsessive, with many many many original Ketten-only tracks, and constantly updated with today’s weirdest hits! Here’s the New York Times article on the Ketten phenom: here!
Have you ever wanted to sing Siouxsie Sioux’s apocalyptic lullaby, Metal Postcard? Probably not, but I did, and I sang it at Baby Ketten! Bauhaus’ Kick in the Eye? Think you can keep an audience through Pulp’s bump and grind classic, This is Hardcore? Find out! Do you think singing Laid by James will get a singalong going? Can you handle Tori Amos’ Crucify? Do you think you can step to The Strangler’s Peaches?
Here is a partial listing of my favorite Baby Ketten Karaoke tracks to give you a taste. Go to their website here or install the app to look for your favorite songs! YES OF COURSE THEY HAVE AN APP!
Mark Ronson- Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This one Before
Suicidal Tendencies- Institutionalized
Nine Inch Nails- Something I Can Never Have
Hoodoo Gurus- Like Wow, Wipeout
Tori Amos- Smells Like Teen Spirit
The Smiths- The Queen Is Dead
The Horrors- Still Life
She & Him- Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
The Cure- Why Can’t I Be You?
The Cure- The Walk
LCD Soundsystem- Daft Punk Is Playing At My House
The Normal- Warm Leatherette
The Dead Milkmen- Instant Club Hit
Rufus Wainwright- Vibrate
Nina Simone- I Need A Little Sugar In My Bowl
Desire- Under Your Spell
Belle And Sebastian- Lord Antony
Siouxsie and the Banshees-Metal Postcard
Echo and the Bunnymen-Killing Moon
XTC-Senses Working Overtime
Nick Cave-Red Right Hand
Proclaimers-Sunshine on Leith
Beats International-Dub Be Good To Me
Belle and Sebastian-Funny Little Frog
Pixies- No. 13 Baby
Pulp- This is Hardcore
Psychic TV- Godstar
AND SO MUCH MOAR!
POSTSCRIPT: This show ROCKED and everyone who was a part of it was GREAT! Local karaoke celebs Kevin Cable and Howard Hallis came out! BABY KETTEN will be back Aug 17!
This is a non-comedy topic. I’m sorry if that’s weird. I’m still thinking about the reverberations of #Yesallwomen, and still wondering why men got angry and defensive when women told their stories of being molested, threatened, and abused.
This topic hit close to home when a dear friend woke up to a strange man in her bed last month. She was confused and terrified. She screamed at him until he retreated, called the cops, is still scared to death, and is moving out of her apartment.
When I tell this story to men, men who I think are decent, men who are dear friends, men I have dated, their reaction is nauseatingly consistent. They have questions that sound a lot like blame.
Man 1 : Isn’t she on Xanax for anxiety?
A: What the fuck difference does that make?
Man 1: She might have heard him breaking in if she weren’t on medication.
Man 2: Well, hasn’t she worked as a dancer?
A: What the fuck difference does that make?
Man 2: Well, someone might have fantasies about her.
Man 3: That seems like a lie. Does she have a history of lying?
A: What the FUCK are you talking about? My friend is fucked up and scared. What the fuck benefit would she have from making this up?
The only thing I can think of is that men are so freaked out by the very real terror of being a woman, the very real fear that we carry walking around every day, that their only recourse is to deny it. Well, that doesn’t really happen. That wouldn’t happen to someone who didn’t “deserve” it. That it’s made up.
I don’t know, what other explanation is there?
We’re building a great show in Glendale, we had a great audience last month but only three comics in the lottery, so 66% of comics got stage time on a bill with Ian Karmel and Jackie Kashian! The hilarious and wonderful Richard Bain will be co-hosting!
10:30 on Tuesday, June 3 at Complex- 806 E Colorado, Glendale, CA.
This month we are excited to welcome:
Bryan Cook- Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction (Founder), Funny or Die (writer)
Susanna Lee- Last Comic Standing, SF Comedy Competition
Doug Mellard- Last Comic Standing, Moontower Festival
Jesse Case- Parenthood, Just for Laughs Festival
Matt Kirshen – Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Fallon, LA Weekly’s Top Comics To Watch
Ali Wong – Tonight Show, @midnight, Inside Amy Schumer
I’m very excited about our second Glendalia comedy, coming to the Complex on May 6!
Our amazing line-up is:
Brandie Posey (Lady 2 Lady)
Steve Hernandez (Respect the Danger of Knives)
Claire Titleman (Recently on Chelsea Lately)
Tyler Boeh (Boston comedy comp finalist)
Ian Karmel (Chelsea Lately cast, Conan)
Jackie Kashian (Conan, Dork Forest)
My episode of Lady 2 Lady is up for your enjoyment, with lovely hostesses Brandie Posey, Barbara Gray and Tess Barker, where we answer the tough questions about cats v. dogs and people who believe that a thin layer of tissue is of any help on a public toilet or no. It was an honor to be on Lady to Lady and on Maximum Fun.org, with such amazing talents as John Hodgman and the ever talented Dave Hill.
Photo Credit: Jonathan Saunders of I Like To Tell Stories
I’m excited to announce that one of my oldest Portland comedy pals, Dax Jordan, and I are bringing a new comedy night to the LA area! It’s at the super cool Complex at 806 Colorado in Glendale. We’ll be hosting our amazingly hilarious friends and offering 2 lottery spots for attending comics! COMPLEX features a full bar and ample seating and lots of fun for EVERYONE.
First Show’s Roster: Ron Funches (Kroll Show, Conan, Undateable)
Auggie Smith (Living Legend, won SF and Seattle comps the same year)
Robert Buscemi (just a real ray of sunshine and a real pretty peacock)
Heather Thomson (Class, Sass, and Ass)
Richard Bain (An incredibly funny person)
Brock Wilbur (Crime Travel, Guitar Center’s spokesmodel)
Booking requests go to Glendaliabooking@gmail.com!
I’m so excited to be on this show in a vintage store in Burbank with some AMAZING women, including Laura Kightlinger, Beth Stelling, Emily Heller, April Richardson, and the lovely and talented Brandie Posey!
OK, I’m a big fan of the show So You Think You Can Dance. I felt lucky to attend some shows last season, and when I got an email for two shows this week, I jumped on it. I was nervous when I saw that the address was for the Orpheum and not the CBS lot, but when I got there it was clear that it was: Auditions. I didn’t want to go to fucking auditions. I want costumes and choreography and ensemble pieces.
In recent seasons, I haven’t even watched auditions. One in twenty people will be good, one in forty will be amazing, one in ten will be completely delusional. It’s the reality TV shock-jock portion, where people fall and cry and lie and the desperation seeps through and they edit to support the judge’s decisions. However, I had already parked downtown all day for six dollars, so I stayed.
It was kind of cool to be in the Orpheum and to see the familiar carpeting and to see a pile of dance bags and the warm up room. We were seated and introduced to the newest judge, Christina Applegate, who has been a dancer her whole life and who crossed the stage in gold heels so high she needed a handler to come down the steps to the judge’s dais.
Nigel Lythgoe went through a list of don’ts for the dancers. He listed out things the judges were tired of seeing.
1. Don’t extend an arm and reach out pleadingly to the judges, wild-eyed.
2. Don’t jeté , tumble, then leap into the air to jeté again. OVER IT.
3. Don’t look at the floor. (This is also a good tip for comedy!)
4. Don’t wink.
5. Don’t put your finger on your mouth.
6. Don’t blow a kiss.
7. Don’t lip-sync.
8. Don’t hold your leg up. This is So You Think You Can Dance, not Do You Think You Can Hold Your Leg Up For An Assload Of Time.
I stayed for the day and saw all 114 dancers although it felt like a billion. I now have my own list. It’s kind of inside baseball, but what in life isn’t?
List of Most Of The Dancer Types from So You Think You Can Dance Auditions:
1. Mama’s pretty pretty princess, the best ballerina in Pig’s Snout, Arkansas. This represents 20% of the attendees. Wearing a sports bra and leggings. Has long, pretty girl hair. She will do one million pirouettes and lift her leg up by her head and will get yelled at because all the other pretty princesses have done the same thing.
2. Mama’s pretty pretty princess got a mohawk and earrings and is all edgy and shit. She will do a ton of pirouettes and lift her leg up in the air.
3. Mama’s pretty pretty princess (male). Appears to have a sixteen-pack of abs. I don’t even know if this possible.
4. Breakdancer type one: Learned on the streets. Looks to have been homeless as recently as this morning. Amazing dancer. Doesn’t appear to hear or understand instructions but can pop and lock like a sonofabitch.
5. Breakdancer type two: Learned at boarding school. May dress like Parappa the Rapper. May have a rat-tail. (Rat tail odds doubled if Asian)
6. Ballroom dancers who have spray-tanned their legs to match their shoes, which is awesome.
7. Girl with a big bottom and men’s shoes? Lindy hopper.
8. Tap dancers, who never get through even though some of them are awesome. The sound and size of this show are never great for tap.
9. Hot-Ass Male Russian Ballroom Dancer. (Thank god.) (Please take your shirt off.)
10. Asian Twerk Twink. Wears harem pants.
11. Midwestern Sincere Contemporary Dancer (male)- Wears what looks like pajamas and his one black Lucky Spinning Sock, which is black. He’s the best modern dancer in Pig’s Snout, Arkansas, but he’s not as good as Contemporary Eric. Why not wear a light colored sock? You look like a rube, Trent!
12. Elderly street dancer- He’s here to do all of Michael Jackson’s moves! You can see him tomorrow in front of the Hollywood Boulevard wax museum.
13. The Only Gay In The Village: A chubby small-town club dancer with a lotta heart and board shorts and a couple of awesome moves. He is trying not to lip-sync. My god, he tries. But that’s not a reasonable ask for a gay club dancer. He would have to put duct tape over his mouth, or put a Lucky Spinning Sock in it.
Good luck to these and all the dancers that auditioned, I look forward in seeing you on the show in a paint-covered t-shirt or a Victorian zombie outfit!
I have been friends with a very talented and creepily lifelike doll named Eliza Rickman for several years, and today she released a really lovely and cool video composed of forced perspective vignettes depicting things she would likely be doing anyway. Please enjoy it.