Author: badinia

Virginia Jones is a comedian, writer, and actor- probably in that order.

Reading Between The Lines: Translating Missed Connections on Craigslist

Girl with PURPLE HAIR at Grumpy Cat event – m4w (West Side/Santa Monica)

I saw you in line at Kitson for the Grumpy Cat book signing. I commented that I loved your hair. I couldn’t talk then, but I’d love to connect! E-Mail me if you find this and would like to talk! You are stunning. 🙂 Doubt this will work, but you never know!

OK, let’s read this for comprehension:

“AT A GRUMPY CAT EVENT”: we are both idiot children raised by the Internet who worship an animal so crippled by neurological dysfunction that it cannot walk and will be dead in a year, but whose owners will try to retire on the money he earns

“You had purple hair”: you saw something in a magazine and decided to adopt a Festival lifestyle but your favorite band is Arcade Fire and you’ve never heard of any other bands.

“I couldn’t talk then”- I was with my girlfriend, but I don’t think she reads these, I didn’t mention anything about my own appearance, and I don’t think she heard me tell you I liked your hair

FUCK THEM IN THE FACE

Postscript: Grumpy Cat and his ne’er do well compatriot, Lil Bub, passed away the same year in 2019, of their profound medical anomalies.  I don’t know what happened to the star-crossed lovers in this ad.

GLENDALIA in LA WEEKLY!

 

It’s not exactly Portlandia, but when it comes to the latest in chortlesome comedy on the fringes, Glendalia is your place to be. Co-presenters Virginia Jones and Dax Jordan have been working hard since April to evolve this monthly stand-up salon with a raucous roster of punchateers. This week’s comics and their relevant tweets: MADtv‘s Matt Braunger (“If I ever decide to commit suicide, it’ll be by doing the worm downstairs.”), Conan‘s Tony Camin (“Writing a biography of the HPV virus. Warts and all”), Marcella Arguello (“If there’s one thing I hate, it’s everything.”), Ron Babcock of Why Would You Eat That? gross-out webcast fame and whimsical woman Scout Durwood. That it’s being held in a goth club is also rather amusing: further proof that darkness needs light to exist. Complex, 806 E. Colorado St., Glendale; Tue., Aug. 5, 8 p.m.; free; 21 and older. (323) 642-7519, complexla.com.

— David Cotner

 

Baby Ketten Los Angeles!

 

 

Dear Los Angelans:

I’m very excited to share with you some important mews.  The legendary Baby Ketten Karaoke, with the baddest book in the universe, (where “bad” means “good” and “universe” means “Continental United States”) is opening a local satellite that will run first and third Sundays at the Ace Hotel in LA, starting Sunday, Aug 3rd!  RSVP here!

It’s slated to be rooftop karaoke, with plenty of space for dancing and singing and hot tubbing and shenanigans, run by the Ketten’s close friend Meggie Nicole!  If we have ever stood next to each other for any amount of time you have heard me run my mouth about Portland’s Baby Ketten, which is the best karaoke ever.  The book is not just expansive but obsessive, with many many many original Ketten-only tracks, and constantly updated with today’s weirdest hits!  Here’s the New York Times article on the Ketten phenom: here!

Have you ever wanted to sing Siouxsie Sioux’s apocalyptic lullaby, Metal Postcard? Probably not, but I did, and I sang it at Baby Ketten!  Bauhaus’ Kick in the Eye? Think you can keep an audience through Pulp’s bump and grind classic, This is Hardcore? Find out! Do you think singing Laid by James will get a singalong going? Can you handle Tori Amos’ Crucify? Do you think you can step to The Strangler’s Peaches?

Here is a partial listing of my favorite Baby Ketten Karaoke tracks to give you a taste.    Go to their website here or install the app to look for your favorite songs!  YES OF COURSE THEY HAVE AN APP!

 

Mark Ronson- Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This one Before

Suicidal Tendencies- Institutionalized

Nine Inch Nails- Something I Can Never Have

Hoodoo Gurus- Like Wow, Wipeout

Tori Amos- Smells Like Teen Spirit

The Smiths- The Queen Is Dead

The Horrors- Still Life

She & Him- Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?

The Cure- Why Can’t I Be You?

The Cure- The Walk

LCD Soundsystem- Daft Punk Is Playing At My House

Radiohead- Lucky

The Normal- Warm Leatherette

The Dead Milkmen- Instant Club Hit

Rufus Wainwright- Vibrate

Nina Simone- I Need A Little Sugar In My Bowl

Desire- Under Your Spell

Belle And Sebastian- Lord Antony

Siouxsie and the Banshees-Metal Postcard

Echo and the Bunnymen-Killing Moon

XTC-Senses Working Overtime

Japan-Quiet Life

Replacements-Alex Chilton

Nick Cave-Red Right Hand

Proclaimers-Sunshine on Leith

Beats International-Dub Be Good To Me

Belle and Sebastian-Funny Little Frog

Pixies- No. 13 Baby

Beautiful South-Rotterdam

Pulp- This is Hardcore

Psychic TV- Godstar

Warpaint- Undertow

AND SO MUCH MOAR!

I love the Ketten so much I have talked about them in my blog before, here and here!

POSTSCRIPT: This show ROCKED and everyone who was a part of it was GREAT!  Local karaoke celebs Kevin Cable and Howard Hallis came out!  BABY KETTEN will be back Aug 17!

 

 

Listen To Me

 

Dear All;

This is a non-comedy topic.   I’m sorry if that’s weird.  I’m still thinking about the reverberations of #Yesallwomen, and still wondering why men got angry and defensive when women told their stories of being molested, threatened, and abused.

This topic hit close to home when a dear friend woke up to a strange man in her bed last month. She was confused and terrified.  She screamed at him until he retreated, called the cops, is still scared to death, and is moving out of her apartment.

When I tell this story to men, men who I think are decent, men who are dear friends, men I have dated, their reaction is nauseatingly consistent.  They have questions that sound a lot like blame.

 

Man 1 : Isn’t she on Xanax for anxiety?

A: What the fuck difference does that make?

Man 1: She might have heard him breaking in if she weren’t on medication.

 

Man 2: Well, hasn’t she worked as a dancer?

A: What the fuck difference does that make?

Man 2:  Well, someone might have fantasies about her.

 

Man 3: That seems like a lie.  Does she have a history of lying?

A: What the FUCK are you talking about?  My friend is fucked up and scared. What the fuck benefit would she have from making this up?

The only thing  I can think of is that men are so freaked out by the very real terror of being a woman, the very real fear that we carry walking around every day, that their only recourse is to deny it.  Well, that doesn’t really happen.  That wouldn’t happen to someone who didn’t “deserve” it.  That it’s made up.

I don’t know, what other explanation is there?

 

 

This Week.


Ok well- Tonight at 9 I am in the Eagle Rock Comedy Festival, which is the finest comedy festival in the world that runs from Tuesday to Thursday, my set is in the 5 Line Tavern at 2136 Colorado Blvd.

Wednesday at 9 I am hosting the Lush Hour show at the Melody Lounge in Chinatown with my partner Lizzy. Together we are GOTHIXXX, two gothgirls who are best friends.

Thursday at 7:30 I am on the Driveway of Laughs show at Rafa’s in Echo Park, which is essentially a basement full of pot smoke hosted by Scott Luhrs.

I am on a show on Saturday at 11:30 PM at the M.I. Westside Theatre in Santa Monica called Twelve Shiny Nickels.

My own show, GLENDALIA, returns to COMPLEX in Glendale on Tuesday, July 1st at 10:30. It’s free and the lineup is wonderful, including Emily Heller, Guy Branum, Robert Yasumura, Mike Burns, Tess Barker, and J.J. Whitehead!

That’s everything. Forgive me.