Trading Places Edited For United Airlines

Trading Places is a film that came out in 1983, which I enjoyed as a child many, many (too many) times.    It is a John Landis film that was originally written for Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder, but was recast with the rising star Eddie Murphy and still-foxy Canadian Dan Aykroyd.   Anyway, this was one of my favorite films of childhood, even though I didn’t really understand it.

On my flight home from London, I chose it to watch as comfort viewing, having not seen it in probably a decade.  I was greeted with the following message from United:

This film has been modified from its original version. It has been formatted to fit this screen and edited for content.

This is a normal thing that one generally ignores, but because Trading Places was originally 116 minutes long, it was edited in many bizarre ways in order to make it closer to 90 minutes long.

What was cut out is much of what makes the film funny, or at least, makes it very funny.  Plane talk:

1. This is not an edit, but when Eddie is acting as a disabled Vet in the beginning, he makes a Porgy and Bess joke that I never got before.

2. The first scene I noticed was missing was Winthorpe’s fireside date with Penelope, where she’s wearing a bra and panties.  Too racy for United!

3. Some of the replacement swears are pretty great.  No statement of “shit” remains, and in the Jacuzzi, “We used to fart in the tub” is replaced with “fight”, but later in the film the Dukes use the N-word.  Strange logic.

4.  The snip about what to do with Billy Ray’s clothes is gone, along with the racist quip about being from a very musical people.

5. Penelope is pretty much gone from the film. The club scene where Louis comes to borrow money is deleted when the twits sing to Aura Lee. (Muffy is played by Jamie Curtis’ sister!) When she picks Louis up from jail a tiny, funny exchange is gone where a homeless man comments that she has a nice purse, and she sprays perfume on his bald head while she waits.

6. Billy Ray’s party scene is gone.  This is very sad.  Not only do you get the appearance of 80’s comedy tits (I’ve been waitin’ for you, Billy Ray!), but you miss the Sylvester song “Do You Wanna Funk”.

7. Soft hands…and a manicure.  This is just one of the little establishing details that makes the movie more than a weirdly racist time piece.

8. Bo Diddley’s scene in the pawn shop is gone.  They cut Bo Diddley.  That’s dumb.

9. I never caught that the stolen crop report is Operation Strange Fruit.  Another funny jazz joke I was too young to understand.

10. As Aykroyd and Murphy exit a taxi and walk up to the World Trade Center, Aykroyd says “In this building, it’s either kill or be killed.” This was evidently cut after 9/11 as being insensitive to be said twenty years before a terrorist attack.

11. However, Dan Aykroyd in blackface can’t be cut because he’s in three scenes with it, but there’s a warning before the opening credits that there’s blackface.

12. “Motherfuckers” become “Moneygrabbers.”

What’s left of the film is still funny…but not as intricate, rich, and full of sidebar causal if-then happenings.

There is an edited scene that appeared on some televised screenings to make it closer to two hours with commercials, where Clarence Beeks drugs a security guard to take crop report documents out of a safe deposit box. It does not appear in this cut, either.

This has been an overly nerdy post that amused me to think about on my airplane ride home.

Also, this is a Christmas movie.

WELCOME BACK TO BRIDGETOWN!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start your Freakout.

The 6th Annual Bridgetown Comedy Festival has announced its performer’s roster, and it is a doozy.

Headlining the show will be the incomparable genius Dana Gould, the incredible musician/comedian/charisma generator Reggie Watts, and the amazing Robert Popper and Peter Serafinowicz, responsible for the world’s best science show, Look Around You. 

You may know Peter from Shaun of the Dead, or if you’re a little nerdy, the story of how John Lennon invented the Apple Ipod, The BeatleBox, or if you’re really beyond help, you’ll know him as the voice of Darth Maul.

Founding Father Matt Braunger is back, after another year of great shows, and an incredible hit film on Vine, “This is Ridiculous, Poor Pickles”, starring a bulldog being carried around like a sack of potatoes while Kyle Kinane yells in the background.  Well, it was a hit with me.

Howard Kremer will astound you with his magic.  Not literal magic, but comedy magic.  He doesn’t do actual magic, because he’s not an a-hole.

Personal Hero Laura Kightlinger is on board, who has been funny and hot since it was fucking INVENTED.

Baron Vaughn talks faster than anyone can think.  He is mind-melting.

Guy Branum is a GENIUS on the stage and a SHOWGIRL on the dance floor and a A LADY in the bedroom.

Kurt Braunohler is a very funny gentleman who’s only been in LA long enough to do one juice cleanse.

Eliza Skinner is smart and talented and my god she makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. 

Bridgetown is excited and charmed to welcome back the amazing Todd Glass!  We’ve missed him to PIECES!

Matt Kirschen came to us on Last Comic Standing, and will bring some more hi-larious international flavor.

Andy Haynes just got married to co-attendee Alice Wetterlund, let’s see if they’re still funny.  They probably are.

Brandie Posey is back to kick ass, she’s a hilarious comic in El Lay, which we call Los Angeles, because we live there and stuff.

Robert Buscemi spends so much time telling me how funny he is, some of it has just got to be true.

Dave McDonough is a deadpan freak whom I had the honor of hauling around in my 96 Jetta when we competed in the Seattle International Comedy Competition together.

The Amazing Cameron Esposito is funny and charming and has amazing hair.

Stacey Hallal is a funny lady and we have been arguing about whether or not improv is funny for, like, four years.

Xander Deveaux is having his Bridgetown premiere, and he is very funny and will do the debutante bow thing where his forehead touches the floor. (postscript: he wound up being a very screwed up addict who attacked some persons and is persona non grata)

I’m honored and excited to be at my 6th Bridgetown!

So Totally Cal


Darlings;

I have moved to Southern California, and because of my dayjob deep in Orange County, I am living in Long Beach.  I love Long Beach.  It is quiet but has some good bars and clubs, a good selection of goth, punks, and weirdos of all stripes, I can park on the street, I can ride my bike, and I can walk to the beach.  LA has the highest pedestrian and bicyclist injury rate in the nation.  That’s why nobody walks in LA, Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons fame!

I know it’s not Los Angeles.  I understand that.  Look, I used to give shit to people living in Beaverton that they didn’t live in Portland.   But I’m half an hour away from most of LA.  I know that because it can take an hour to drive 3 miles in Los Angeles, in your mind you think that 30 miles away is a 300 minute drive, but it’s not.

I am 25 minutes from Koreatown.  30 from Hollywood.  45 from Pasadena and Sherman Oaks.  I am 35 minutes from Santa Monica and Venice.  So stop asking me:

1. Are you visiting?  Yes, I just got in from LAX, which is closer to me than it is to you!

2. How long are you in town?  Arrrgh!

3. Are you staying the night in LA?  I can probably make it home, thank you.

4. Do you ever get out to Los Angeles?  Yes, about 3-5 times a week ,depending on what’s going on.

Now, caveat- I can never be anywhere in Los Angeles reliably before 6PM on weekdays.  But neither can you, darling.  Neither can you.

Nick Cave Push The Sky Away: Your Questions Answered!

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds at the Fonda Theatre: Setlist (spoiler alert):
Push the Sky Away (played the whole album with children’s choir and string section, with Nick singing about hookers and lady snatch in front of eight year olds from Silverlake, because he’s Nick Fucking Cave is why

It’s a lovely record. Some amazing Warren Ellis loops on it. Atmospheric. Everyone enjoyed it and clapped politely. Of course, when he tore into the best of, the aging goth crowd went apeshit. You know how it goes.

From her to eternity
O Children
The Ship Song
Jack the ripper
Red right hand
O Deanna
Love letter
Mercy seat
Encore:
Stagger lee

And yes, he’s had hairplugs since the last time I saw him live.

And yes, he’s shaved the Evil Cowpoke moustache.

And yes, the children’s choir started shifting around and getting restless, even though they were onstage with a legend, because children are children.

And yes, nobody loves a satin shirt with pearl snaps like Nick Cave.

And yes, if your dancing is peppered with karate kicks, that means you’re from Australia.

Taipei 101

DSC_0094

Tri Nguyen and I thought that having our picture taken atop the tallest tower in Taiwan would bring us closer together, but it just tore us apart.

Show with Dante!

Hay, I’m doing a show at the Rolling Stone on Wednesday, Feb 13th, with a great line-up including Last Comic Standing’s Dante, and the adorable ukelelist (made up word) Scout Durwood.  I have passes available for any LAists who want to come!

The line-up:

Dennis Haskins

Cicero Salmon

Rick Carera

Carely Mcmenoman

Steve Cooper

Mikey Scott

Teddy Margas

Scout Durwood

Virginia Jones

Rebekah Kochan

Dante

Update: we killed the Rolling Stone restaurant, but I was glad to meet Scout, and I love Mikey and Teddy forever, and just attended their last show at Fubar.  I’ve not seen anyone else on the list ever again.  Dante’s star rating dropped to the point where he had to start using his last name again, and started a BS comedy festival in Portland that seemed to let everyone in who applied.