Author: badinia

Virginia Jones is a comedian, writer, and actor- probably in that order.

The Famous Mysterious Actor at Halloween

Holli Pappan made me cry, then laugh, and then cry, at the perfectly miniature Famous Mysterious Actor costume she put together for Halloween. My dreams have died, but my soul sings free.

Something Famous this way Comes!

I can smell it coming in the air tonight,
And I’ve been waiting for this pixy for all my life, oh Lord
Can you hear it scream and and throw candy tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well, if you told me you were Cutter, I would not lend a hand
I’ve seen your face before my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am
Well I was there and I saw the whole show, I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been
It’s all been a stack of pies!

The Famous Mysterious Actor is throwing a Halloween Party at Berbati’s Pan! Come out and wear a costume!

Catching up with the Jones!

Up and Coming: Halloween! I love Halloween. It’s like Christmas to me. Our costumes are ready. We are Lene Lovich and Nina Hagen!)


Eugene! I am excited about the all-girl laugh-fest coming up, and looking forward to meeting more funny ladies!

Chariots of Rubber! I have recently been cast in Jeffrey Wonderful’s musical about Demolition Derby, love, and Cindy, the Erotic Pleaser as a Backup Dancer, so I can add that distinction to my resume! I have NO idea when or where it will premiere, but it is going to be FANTASTIC. They told me I could tap dance in it. Equal parts Hedwig, Rocky Horror, Grease, and giant, talking nipples.

I leave you with a Fact-of-The Day quote from John Hodgman’s very funny new book, More Information Than You Require:


HALLOWE’EN: Originally called Samhain, this is the traditional Pagan-American holiday when we ask our children to consider the fragility of life by dressing them in darkly colored costumes and vision-impairing masks and encouraging them to walk around in the road.

Monster Letters!


You can get your name in monster letters here! I love I-mockery at this time of year.

My Motto, Courtesy of Ron Bennington from the Ron and Fez Show

I think a person needs a motto, words to live by, a phrase with which to mold and shape one’s life and mine is: “Fuck it! It’s a magic phrase. As Stephen Baldwin says in Usual Suspects:”Bad day. Fuck it.” And then he shrugs off three murders like a dirty coat. It just makes me feel better to say it, at any time, day or night. I don’t mean to sound negative- To say “fuck it” is an affirmation, to say- this is not going to get me down. You know what? Everyone doesn’t like me, and worse, sometimes people who don’t like me have good things happen to them. I like someone, they don’t like me back? Fuck it! I have lost my keys, patience, or mind- Fuck it! If I failed, I must fail harder. There is no shame in failing, there is only shame in not trying. As the rainy season starts in Portland, long grey periods punctuated with moments of dark, I want to bring my favorite phrase to the forefront of the collective unconscious: Fuck it!

How Children Ruin Halloween!

I Love Halloween

I have always loved Halloween. I think it’s tailor-made for girls- who doesn’t like dressing up and being rewarded with candy? Maybe I love it because I snared my first boyfriend in 8th grade at a Halloween party while dressed like Cleopatra and kicking serious asp.
In college, I rocked an Egyptian Cat Goddess (Bastet for the nerds) look with face fulla paint and a head fulla acid and met a different guy. We made a date for a couple days after, but I didn’t keep it when I realized he did not actually know what I looked like. Of course, being a suburban gothgirl meant that the day after Halloween was the optimal time to head to Michael’s MJDesigns and stock up on cheap-azz clown white and fishnets. Day of the dead, indeed!


Historical Document from 1987.

Modern Adult Costumes

I like that in America, adults still get to dress up, although women’s costumes are limited to some combination of Goth girl and whore.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe there’s not a giant difference between the two. But really- I’m a sexy witch, I’m a sexy maid, I’m a sexy corpse- and then the guys are all sumo wrestlers and ketchup dispensers? How is a sexy witch supposed to hang out with a sumo wrestler? All the guys are so into pirates, but they’re not into dressing as hobos, the disabled, cross-dressing transient muggers of today.
It’s not fair.

But my point- and yes, I have one.

Children Ruin Halloween

1. There is a new horrifying phenomenon when sometimes lazy, whorish Mom’s outfits are handed down, so you see an eight year old dressed as Spooky Nurse Fuckalot. Here’s some candy, honey. No, I don’t want an enema.
2. Halloween is about fantasy, and children don’t need any more fantasy. I’m tired of hearing their bullshit stories about what supposedly happened at Grandma’s.
3. Kids refuse to keep their costumes on. Last year, I met a ninja who had lost his sword and taken his hood off, so what we were dealing with was: a little person in black pajamas. I ask you. Pirates have their eyepatches upside down on foreheads.  What kind of commitment is that to a “look”? No commitment at all.

Trick or treat is a farce, and as far as I can tell, it’s our fault.

The little ghosts and goblins are home having their stashes rifled through by their paranoid, chocolate-starved parents by the time the street lights come on.  Let me say- most of the time that candy is, god forbid, poisoned, it’s the kid’s own parents who do it, and I’m sure they have their reasons.

I’m A Weiner


I just back from a casino gig in beautiful Coos Bay, OR. It was a fun gig supporting the very funny Milt Abel. After my last casino gig in Pendleton, the Mill Casino seemed like a fancy dream. Generally, I’m too cheap to gamble, and would prefer to throw my money in the toilet- but I was trying to hide my eyes from the sadness of a five hundred year old woman putting pennies in a slot machine, threw two bucks in a poker slot, and won ten dollars American. I’m a winner, no matter what they said in high school! Ten dollars=PROFIT!

Kelso Wonderland!


Having your name in lights makes you feel important! Having your name misspelled in lights only slightly less so.
Really and truly, I had a grand time featuring in Kelso for Mark Saltviet