Author: badinia

Virginia Jones is a comedian, writer, and actor- probably in that order.

Magical Moments


Today I found a used hypodermic needle in my lavender bushes, which I thought about not touching, but wanted to photograph to show you people. If I die from touching a dirty hypodermic needle, I’ll get the Spouse to update the blog so you know for sure not to do it. A couple of years ago I found 200 rounds of live ammunition in my lavender bush, and at least this time I didn’t have to call the po-po. Usually I just find empty beer cans and fortified wine bottles in the bushes. Perhaps the bushes themselves have a drug, alcohol and violence problem. I guess Creston’s still in transition, but at least we have 500 coffeeshops and our own Safeway!

Bowie vs. Prince


I joined a Pedalpalooza event for the Bowie vs. Prince ride on Friday night. The idea is that a bike ride cruises around and occasionally stops to drink and dance to a biked sound system. I decided to express with my outfit the question, “what if the harlequin from Scary Monsters was really just a big-boned gal in a bike helmet?” The fantastic DJ Rhienna was also in attendance.

It was fun, although the music that started as very Bowie and Prince and quickly devolved to generic hip-hop, and I had hoped to see more awesome outfits. I did see 300 hipsters, 1000 cans of PBR, and about 80 helmets! There was a Screaming Lord Byron in attendance, and inexplicably, a Michael Jackson.

Strange things yelled at me on my bike:

1. Hey, do you have twenty dollars? Well, do you?

2. Hey! Your face!

3. Hi Virginia Jones! (not so strange, really)

300 people in the Safeway parking lot-like a flash mob, but more shambly and random.

We visited the bran’ spankin’ new Eastside Voodoo Doughnut, for those of us too drunk or lazy to go downtown to get one. Thank you, Jebus!

In the end, it is clear that Portland’s sympathies lie with the Thin White Duke and not the Purple One, but it was close. Prince is still the universal #1 artist that drunk girls request at parties.

Portland’s Naked Bike Ride


It’s Pedalpalooza in Portland.

Pedalpalooza is a fortnight of bike-related events that I had forgotten about until I left Harvey’s on Saturday at midnight to be greeted by a peleton of naked bikers. The two road comics I was working with were very impressed by the display, as I commented, oh, it’s naked bike ride time again already. Craigslist Missed Connections was also pretty active the next day, although suitors had to be fairly observant about bike makes, colors, and models, since “you were naked, so was I” did not really narrow the field.

Dana Carvey Photoshopped Out Of Gender!

Everyone knows that Hollywood values youth and beauty over all things, even over 30 years of experience as a stand-up, writer, and comic actor, but I was sorry to see that Dana Carvey’s Myspace headshot has been Photoshopped into a plain but hard-working co-ed majoring in Women’s Studies and minoring in Black and White Photography.

Vampires Exist


Street signs can tell you a lot of things- to stop or slow down, that animals may cross the street, and which turning direction is less likely to get you killed.

However, this is the first time that a road sign has taken the time to let me know that bloodsucking ghouls are real.

Thanks, NW Natural! I’ll keep an eye out!

Postscript: Apparently, The Huffington Post has disproved the existence of vampires. Which is why vampires hate math!

Sad Anniversary.

Today is the 28th anniversary of the day that Ian Curtis watched Werner Hertzog’s Stroszek, and hitched a ride to the hereafter.  In that moment,  he turned an influential band (Joy Division) into a successful one (New Order).  I keep trying to cheer him up, but as a dead goth, it’s pretty hard.