Author: badinia

Virginia Jones is a comedian, writer, and actor- probably in that order.

Thinking on Canadian Goth


In the throes of postholiday depression, I was just remembering the majesty of Claude Tanner’s pre-suicide poem on Degrassi High. If Caitlin hadn’t dumped him, maybe now the actor David Armin-Parcells wouldn’t be a former Canadian child star working as a wine buyer in Troy, Michigan, and he’d be able to participate in the Next Generation Degrassi with Snake and Spike and the gang. Let’s take a moment to remember, shall we?

Autumn Leaves
Dying Leaves
Season of DEATH!
When winds blow cold
Thoughts of death creep in as I sleep
I dream I’m in a coffin
Safe from the life I don’t want to lead
I’m not afraid
Soothing, black and warm
SOOTHING, BLACK, and WARM!
Safe from the pain
And safe
From the fools
Safe, soothing, black.

Happy New Ears!

We had a Snickers fun-sized party in San Francisco in our hotel for New Year’s and had a great time with friends old and new.

Questions:

1. Who got the broccoli into the overhead light fixture? Follow up question: How?

2. Why would you use vodka as a mixer for vodka? That’s trouble!

3. How did Tommy split his lip on Jenner’s boot?

4. Why would a grown man yell expletives out the window on a holiday?

5. Why were my husband’s New Year kisses lavished on a new friend named Tater Tot?

I was proud to throw up in the historic Fairmont hotel, where scenes in Vertigo were set, and across the street from the Top of the Mark, where my grandma Virginia went to celebrate her wedding some 62 years ago.

We also visited the Hyatt Regency, which was used in the filming of the Vertigo parody High Anxiety.  INSIDE BASEBALL MY FAVORITE SPORT!

The Year In Review

Last year, my New Year’s Resolution was to Kick More Ass, which I think I achieved. This year, my goal is not to concern myself with people who don’t think I’m awesome. Life’s too short, and frankly, I only have so much awesome to go around anyway.

What We Got Up To

All in all, San Francisco was two tons of fun. We enjoyed SFMoma, hanging out with new San Franciscans Pete and Alex, lost Portlanders John Graham and Kyle from Satyricon, walking uphill at 90 degree angles, overdosing on Goth Loli in Japantown, the fantastic company of the Chongs, a show by the world’s finest Smiths cover band, This Charming Band, and two of their fan clubs, the Choir Boys and The Moz Crew. They were supported by a Spellbound, a Siouxsie and the Banshees cover project ably fronted by a former member of Rasputina.

Still and all, I’m sorry that my first post of the year does not contain much for my mother to be proud of.

My Sisters on Good Morning, America

The camera loves my sisters, and they love to give me the business. I especially like how my mother gets cut off in the middle of her favorite phrase, “Listen to your mother!”

Astoria!


What would you do if you opened up Astoria’s Coastal Weekend publication and this advertisement stared you in the face? Up to 30 people came down to watch two ladies doing comedy in the Pacific Northwest’s oldest standing masonic lodge.  Many thanks to the hilarious Susan Rice for showing me how it’s done.

Number 1 Crush!

Everybody has one, their first painful, awful, wonderful, unrequited crush? Right? Anyone? This is mine,Jeremy Schwartz.  In my Junior High yearbook, he was voted Funniest Boy.  He was active in drama and was a generally hilarious guy. I had never met a hipster before, or that many Jewish boys, and I liked him so much that I talked like a crazy person every time we met.

I know a lot of you are saying; “But how could you ever be socially awkward?” but believe me when I say: Late bloomer. Something about being raised by a man who had no friends kept my social skills weak. When the day came that I asked a friend of his what he thought of me, I got the answer, “He’s pretty creeped out.” This did not dissuade me from planning to name our first child Echo Schwartz, after Echo and the Bunnymen.

Fast forward twenty years, and I found his name in an IMDB listing for the fantastic Strangers with Candy, and dropping Viper-related wisdom on Sopranos, and I was thrilled to when Tivo fished him out of an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger as a snitch named Nicky. Spouse was vaguely horrified to see that I was looking at an episode of W,TR, and then said flatly, “Oh. It’s the guy from the yearbook.” When I heard him speak his lines, telling Chuck Norris’ friends that he would tell them anything to stay out of prison, I time-traveled back to 1987. I have maximum respect for his pursuit of his art, and I am so knocked out by some of the credits he’s racked up, I wanted to post his first dedicated fan page here, in an attempt to spice up his Google search.

Ten Thousand!

Well, it’s been coming for several weeks now, and I’ve been trying to think of something clever to write about it and have failed miserably. Happy 10,000 website hits, everybody! Google will probably buy me out soon. It’s been great!
P.S. I’m happy to say that the bestest band ever, Peroxide Mocha, is back in action after four quiet years- click on the picture above to hear their inspirational song, “Good Ideas.”

No Questions, No Photos


I know some people have been asking when they can see me do comedy. Good news! I have been invited to do a half an hour of material featuring for one of my favorite chicks, the hilarious Susan Rice, on December 14th. The bad news is that it’s in Astoria, OR, at the Labor Temple, at 934 Duane St. I hope that Ron Bennington will be pleased I’m doing a gig where Goonies was filmed.
If you like comedy and live in Astoria, please come! Especially if you’re my hairdresser’s mom, the wonderful Kristi Bullock from Do! Rad Cuts And Color.
As long as I’m plugging, please vote for Susan in Ziddio’s Lucky 21 contest!

Postscript: Wednesday, Dec 5th (Next Week!) I will be doing 15 minutes at the Hungry Tiger Too at 9!

207 SE 12th Ave
Portland, OR 97214