This Halloween, I went back to my own nerdy childhood to be a sexy Ed Emberley bat, from the popular books where you were taught to “draw” animals, although truly you were drafting them based on basic shapes. I was very honored to wear it on a themed comedy show, Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber at a nerd-themed game shop, Geeky Teas in Burbank. (as if there is any other kind.)
I’m delighted to come visit my NorCal friends next week to headline two shows at DNA’s comedy lab! If you’ve seen me before at the Santa Cruz festival, this will be all-new material, and I’m bringing the young, vivacious Rick Wood to feature. It’s gonna be a fun, reasonably-priced time, come on out! Tickets here.
Let’s Write A Robyn Hitchcock Song!
We’ll Need:
Angels
Priests
Hoods & Masks
Birds
The Byrds
A jangly, circular guitar riff that sounds like bells
A reverse pedal
Vegetables
Spiders/Spider’s Eggs
Insects
Eyes
Plants that become people, people that become plants
Cockney rhyming slang
Lizards
Obelisks
A Mandrake root writhing under a full moon in a sensual way
Disease/Decay
Prawns
Trains
Death
People named Bruce or Kevin
A reference to Capricorns
Something belonging to Syd Barrett
We can also write a Nick Cave song, a Mountain Goats Song, or a Tom Waits Song…
See also Robyn Hitchcock Wants To Go Backwards….
These are the hottest hack trends happening in LA comedy right now! Get on the hack comedy train, and you’ll get into all the hot shows and festivals!
Extremely Detailed Solipsism
Pretending To Be Mad About Small Things
ShockJock (90’s Nostalgia)
Fat Guys, Shirts Off
If I Yell It, It’s A Punchline
I Pooped In Public, A Closer
White People Interpreting Rap Lyrics
Homeless People Are Weird
That Time I Ate Too Much Pot
Hillbilly Philosopher (Nihilism in a Trucker Cap)
When you submit your comedy album to Pandora, like I did with my comedy album, Gothic American, they sort your tracks into little pre-written buckets for their algorithm- and the description of the tracks from my album, Gothic American, make a nice little poem about my comedy:
Female Experiences
An Amused Delivery
A Deadpan Delivery
A Sarcastic Delivery
A Self-Deprecating Delivery
Surprising Misdirects
Jokes About The Entertainment Industry
Humorously Dim-Witted Logic
A Wide Variety of Subject Matter
Liberal Political Leanings
Subject Explorations
Anecdotes
The glorious Nina Storm had me do comedy on her all-woman variety show, LA Woman!
I’ve been in a couple of LA earthquakes, and usually it feels like a big truck is driving past the building where I am. It rumbles and moves on. Then, my faraway friends and family start texting to see if I am still alive. I smile at their naive, not-earthquake-having ways.
The only earthquake that left a real impression on me was one that happened a couple of years ago, at a comedy show in a dress shop that my friend Brandie booked me on. Handsome nerd actor James Urbaniak was attending with his girlfriend. During another comic’s set, I felt the room moving and watched pictures swing on the walls and thought: Wow, I’m gonna die in the same room as James Urbaniak. But nobody died, and we had great earthquake chitchat and went home. Once we have an earthquake it becomes THE small talk for the next 24 hours, outstripping weather, traffic, and who got onto a Harold team on their first try.
The first big earthquake this week happened on the 4th of July, because God hates America, or at least, California.
I slept through it. I was awoken by many texts of friends asking did I feel it, and then talking about the biggest earthquake they had survived. I felt so left out. I wanted to feel the earthquake. It was like I hadn’t been invited to a cool event, just because I was sleeping in on a holiday. I couldn’t write a funny earthquake tweet, I couldn’t do anything.
At the fourth of July party, my friend Rick commented that he didn’t even know what to do during an earthquake, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t cuss and look for his pants. Everyone laughed. I felt so alone.
Got out of that party and went home. Couldn’t sleep, worried about not being in the cool earthquake club. At 3AM, my bed shook and I realized I was experiencing an aftershock. I was so happy, I stayed up until 5AM worried that I was going to die.
The next night, I was eating dinner when the earthquake started. I walked outside to check on my car, walking 25 feet on tarmac that was shifting in the most unpleasant way. It was all the bad things about being on a boat, no drinks or swimsuits but nausea and choppy water. I asked the dog why he didn’t warn me. He indicated that he still wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. He may have missed that day of dog school. It lasted maybe 90 seconds but it felt like a whole episode of BBC’s Sherlock. My car was ok. Rick tweeted that he had been caught by the earthquake without pants on. I think that Rick taking off his pants might be where earthquakes come from, so please, Rick, if you’re reading- keep your pants on for the next little bit, OK?