badiniaadmin, Author at Virginia Jones ⋆ Page 16 of 20

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

Men and women have more trouble communicating now than ever, and one of the things we don’t communicate well on is sex.

I was raised to believe that if a man wanted to have sex with you, it was because he was trying to express his undying love and admiration for you and was tottering, like a newborn baby deer, towards a lasting relationship.

This is not the case.

Here are some of my theories about why we believe men have sex versus possible reasons why they do.

Of COURSE these are not all the reasons. I’m sure there’s a million! Here’s a start.

Reason Women Believe Men Will Have Sex:

To deepen intimacy and lay the groundwork for a serious relationship

Reasons Men Will Have Sex:

To deepen intimacy and lay the groundwork for a serious relationship
To thank someone for a pretty good sandwich

Running a bit short on cardio today
Because they need someplace to sleep
To annoy their friend
Had 15 minutes free
Condoms about to expire
Put off decision about where to have breakfast
To be polite
Because they’re hoping you’ll make them a sandwich later
Don’t want to talk about the Mandalorian anymore
They knew you in college
Or Else- they knew you in high school
Perhaps just- they knew you
They thought they knew you but they were actually thinking of someone else
You remind them of a girl they had a crush on forever, except she looked totally different and had a different personality, they’re actually not sure why you remind them of Candace particularly
To win a bet
To lose a bet
They like your band
Maybe you like their band
Or else like the same band
You both like bands
Hoping you’ll come see their band
Bar was closing
Restaurant needed the table
They liked your t-shirt
You liked their t-shirt
They quoted Napoleon Dynamite and you laughed and they appreciated it
Because you did a great job at bar trivia
They were hitting on your friend but it didn’t work out
They’re hoping you’ll listen to their podcast
They’re hoping to get booked on your podcast
They appreciated your giving them the last beer
Because someone said they couldn’t

UK Comedy: Sexist As Hell

Women in Comedy in the UK:

I’ve always been an anglophile, have always thought British people were a little smarter and more sophisticated than we are. I assumed women comics are treated pretty well there, although I had only done one UK spot before, in 2013.

I have loved woman comics working in London like Tiff Stevenson, Aisling Bea, Alice Fraser, Gina Yashere and Katherine Ryan, and I thought- it must be great over there.

My first show in the UK in 2019 was stacked with funny, capable women, and it was great. On my second show, I noted that I was set up back to back with the only other woman on the bill. I made a joke backstage about how that wouldn’t happen in LA, because once we talk about our cats and our periods, what’s left?

Backstage Chitchat

The person I was talking to said oh really. Mistaking that for interest, I said yeah, Maria Bamford just sponsored a college study reviewing gender and ethnicity in club bookings. She found that women accounted for just 16% of the work, and heavily in hosting. The person I was talking to said, do you think there’s more than 16% of comics that are women? I turned to him and said, yes.

LA is home to great shows like Women Crush Wednesdays, L.A. WOMAN All Female Revue, and The Mermaid Comedy Hour that are incredibly strong and well-attended, but bookers still get asked- will you have enough funny women to fill the spots? And yeah, they do.

The person said in a huff, I don’t agree with women showcases. I don’t think they should exist. I think it should just be: comedy! Then, he got up and did his set about how he’s from this place and he’s like this, and his girlfriend is from this other place and she’s like that. And it wasn’t funny. It was, I learned the UK version of white people dance like this and black people dance like this.

Lessons Learned

I learned a lot. I learned that there are plenty of hacks in London, and I learned it’s important to support talented women.

Easy Packing For All Ages

Packing for all ages:

30’s: I gotta get my nails and toenails done for my trip!

40’s: Doesn’t give a fuck.

30’s: I’m gonna take a little bag of jewelry curated to work with my outfits!

40’s: Doesn’t give a fuck.

30’s: Brought two styles of sunglasses for different lewks.

40’s: Own three pairs of the same sunglasses, Hollis by Oliver Peoples. Does not give a fuck.

30’s: Wait, should I buy a mini of my trademark perfume or should I try something new for the trip?

40’s: Doesn’t wear perfume at home, doesn’t give a fuck

20’s: Brought books.

30’s: Brought kindle.

40’s: Broke half a dozen kindles, now watches Youtube videos of kids kicking each other in the nuts on her phone the whole trip. Does not give a fuck.

30’s: Brought running shoes, dress shoes, and casual shoes for travel.

40’s: Brought one pair Chuck Taylor high tops and cannot possibly give a fuck.

30’s: Need room for my DSLR camera!
40’s: Bringing phone.

30’s: Need to carry on my laptop.
40’s: Bringing phone.

30’s: Bringing exquisite outfits for trip, is heartbroken she can’t bring more shoes.
40’s: I don’t know these people, who gives a fuck?

Wait, am I maturing and becoming more comfortable in my own skin- or am I just depressed?

Baby Ketten Has A Furever Home

I’ve written about the best karaoke in the world, Portland’s Baby Ketten Karaoke, many times. I’ve done it here and here and here and here. My friend Jay Horton wrote all about the new all-ketten all the time club here.

It’s big news! Baby Ketten Karaoke is on the scene 7 nights a week on SE Powell, where it all began! Where I met Brophy and his crew, where I sang my first song, I Want Your Sex by George Michael, while wearing a petticoat of some sort (I mean a lot of these are sense memories), where I got drunk and bought a painting of a pitbull, where two sisters waited for an ambulance after one of them bit the other one’s nose sort of OFF, where Klingon Karaoke happened for a while, where I DJ’ed a terrible goth night where an attendee asked me to play the I’m Dead I’m Dead song, all that spirit and magic has swirled together for all the Kettens to meet up. I am getting there as soon as I can and I’ll see you when that happens! Check out the best songbook in the world here!

Halloween 2019/The Last Halloween: SEXY Ed EmberlEy Bat

This Halloween, I went back to my own nerdy childhood to be a sexy Ed Emberley bat, from the popular books where you were taught to “draw” animals, although truly you were drafting them based on basic shapes. I was very honored to wear it on a themed comedy show, Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber at a nerd-themed game shop, Geeky Teas in Burbank. (as if there is any other kind.)

DNA’s Comedy Lab, Friday, Oct 11!

I’m delighted to come visit my NorCal friends next week to headline two shows at DNA’s comedy lab! If you’ve seen me before at the Santa Cruz festival, this will be all-new material, and I’m bringing the young, vivacious Rick Wood to feature. It’s gonna be a fun, reasonably-priced time, come on out! Tickets here.

How To Write a PERFECT Robyn Hitchcock Song!

Let’s Write A Robyn Hitchcock Song!

We’ll Need:

Angels

Priests

Hoods & Masks

Birds

The Byrds

A jangly, circular guitar riff that sounds like bells

A reverse pedal

Vegetables

Spiders/Spider’s Eggs

Insects

Eyes

Plants that become people, people that become plants

Cockney rhyming slang

Lizards

Obelisks

A Mandrake root writhing under a full moon in a sensual way

Disease/Decay

Prawns

Trains

Death

People named Bruce or Kevin

A reference to Capricorns

Something belonging to Syd Barrett

We can also write a Nick Cave song, a Mountain Goats Song, or a Tom Waits Song…