After the madness of Halloween is over, I will be heading to Seattle for my first real public shot at humiliation in the form of the 31st Seattle Comedy Competition.
I’ll be competing with friends, peers, rockstars, heroes, a pretty Canadian, and, in a greater way, against myself. If I find myself with any amazing wisdom gleaned from the ego beatings, I will post it here. Remember, it’s an honor just to be nominated!
Come see the show that everyone’s talking about, RIGHT HAND RED! At least I think they’re talking about it! It’s fast, it’s funny, it’s a little weird, I’m in it!
I will be hosting for famous funny person Christian Finnegan, from Comedy Central and VH1’s best show ever, at Helium Comedy Club all weekend, with very funny Seattle comic Drew Barth. I still have comps left for the late shows Friday and Saturday, write me if you’d like to go- I’d love to see you there!
Over Labor Day Weekend I was afforded the opportunity to perform as part of the Famous Mysterious Actor show at Bumbershoot.
I held My Pet Monster and told jokes to people who were really not extremely sure what was going on. I don’t know what my facial expression is about, but I’m sure I thought I was doing something different.
I really enjoyed the show, and having “quality time” with some of my comedy pals from Portland, Salem, and Seattle. I liked having an Artist’s badge, which meant that I didn’t wait in lines with the “rubes”, and people looked at me, curious to know if I was famous at all, which I am not.
After the show, I leapt out onto the gangway, eager to suck all the life out of the Bumbershoot music and arts festival for FREE.
Within five minutes, I was shocked and appalled to realize: I HATE MUSIC FESTIVALS! I was surrounded by young people who were over-bandanna’d and facial-haired, and excited about seeing bands called things like Leather Wolf Eyes and The Bambi Sluts. I escaped the grounds and headed out to eat delicious Seattle vegan foods at Pizza Pi.
It was worth it to see Billy Bragg play a show in the warm twilight. He had a sore throat, but soldiered through to play a great solo set. He made fun of my laugh, which he has not done since I saw him at Champaign-Urbana, Illinois in 1992 when he played for an environmental activist’s rally. MEMMOORIIIES! Oh, and I found all the old people. We were all at Billy Bragg. Hilariously, not one but two concert-goers yelled at him that he should play music and not talk politics. GO TO A DIFFERENT SHOW.
Thanks, PROK! FMA! Bumbershoot!
This is my second year trying out for this comp! Yaaaaaay.
Postscript: about a third of these people are still doing comedy, one is dead, and three are pretty successful!
Seattlites, I stand before you proclaiming that this year’s Bumbershoot comedy line-up will be not only good but great.
I have been afforded the opportunity to join my favoritest talk show ever, the Famous Mysterious Actor show, alongside Billy Wayne Davis! I will be there at the Comedy Theatre West, The Vera Project Stage, for a wonderful show that starts at 1:15 with candy and screaming. Please join me!
A Stranger quote from the ravishing and hilarious Lindy West:
Famous Mysterious Actor Show
The Famous Mysterious Actor, host of the hilariously surreal late night talk show parody known as The Famous Mysterious Actor Show, performs in what appears to be a Mexican wrestling mask, soiled army parka, and black fright wig. He was not born to fame, but is more than willing to thrust it down your throat.
I was recently in Asia, and it seems that there is no segment of the world population that is more adorable and more self-hating than Japanese girls. Everyone knows about double eyelid glue and tape, but I became very attached to a product that looked like a potato peeler that was supposed to be rolled on either side of one’s nose to create a more Western nose. This is, of course, impossible. The nose is not made of silly putty and can’t be molded from the outside. Most importantly, they all want to weigh under 100 pounds, regardless of height or build.
I bought a magazine in Narita airport so that I could pretend I had been to Japan, and found this article with a hundred pictures of girls with the reasons all of their bodies suck. One girl is thin, but her chest is *too* thin! One girl accidentally formed a bicep muscle! One girl’s body flaw is that her tits are too big. HER TITS. ARE TOO. BIG. Additionally, bitchy little insets from failed pop stars talk smack about these cartoon girls.
This is why anorexia is still Japan’s most popular hobby! A popular surgery involves cutting a ligament so that one’s calf muscles atrophy and shrink away, leaving a stick-thin leg. Pretty! This makes me feel slightly better about the state that we’re in. At least I’m allowed to work out and have muscles, instead of just starving myself puny. I’m also glad to be back in the states because I don’t usually have this conversation at home:
Cassie: I saw your photo on Facebook!
Me: Oh, really?
Cassie: Yes, you looked very thin (indicating on face and neck where I used to be thin). Were you thinner when you were younger?
Me: No, actually I came out this size. I looked down and saw my mother’s bloody feet. I exploded her. Please pass the fried rice.