A web comic artist Charlie Clark put out an offer recently to draw ANYONE, and I said, well, I’m anyone- here is his portrait of me, only the second girl he’s drawn. I think I could probably put it in my passport. I like my nosering especially.
This is a deeply stupid joke that I never had the proper means to express, but now there’s a service that lets you set up any show you wanted to go to, or wished could happen!
A show for the little ones by The Sizzler:
A Monochrome Set:
1. I saw a kid waiting for a bus this morning in a VOTE FOR PEDRO t-shirt that reminded me how glad I am that people stopped quoting Napoleon Dynamite all the time. Worst thing named after an Elvis Costello pseudonymn, EVER.
2. Vintage stores seem to have finally run out of NOS white belts and pointy-toed white boots.
3. Firedancing seems to have been replaced by the less flammable hula hooping: it used to be you couldn’t go to a nightclub or a grocery store grand opening without some lady with kerosene-soaked rags was gonna dance. What I like about hula hooping is that I don’t have to pretend there’s any skill involved.
4. People at work don’t say “BLING”anymore.
1. I’ve seen three people on the MAX this week with old-fashioned moustaches tattooed on their pointer fingers to play Snidely Whiplash with. OK, the first time you saw someone with that, it was already over. The fat guy from Knocked Up has it. The first person with that tattoo was awesome. Everyone else is shitty.
2. MAC WORSHIP. There is no such thing as a hipster computer! Not unless it runs on cocaine! Your computer does not make you more creative or awesome! Your stuff does not define you! JAYSIS! GROW UP!
3.Burning Man Mini-Stilts. Again, the first Pan costume I saw was great. I love Guillermo Del Toro movies. But now it’s everywhere, and is therefore not awesome.
4. People at work can’t stop saying “STREET”.
There is a hipster/record store employee joke that I have heard for several years now. I think it’s pretty funny- Michael Ian Black uses it thusly:
Q. What do you get if you play a Duran Duran album backwards?
A. A different, slightly better-sounding Duran Duran album.
I have also heard this joke applied to Interpol and Depeche Mode. Bill Hicks told it about New Kids On The Block. I knew it was old, but I didn’t realize how old until I ran across the following quote attributed to Thomas Alva Edison in a funny Blender article about the music industry’s biggest blunders:
“I always play jazz records backwards,” he sniffed. “They sound better that way.”
That joke isn’t just ancient, it’s EIGHTY! Happy Birthday, Joke!
last weekend, the new hairstyling product from Lush. It’s purple, it’s powerful, and it’s inspired (along with a companion product called King of the Mods) by the fantastic UK comedy, The Mighty Boosh. Each tub claims to be “Made from the Tears of Robert Smith.”
Portland can’t wait for the first-ever Bridgetown Comedy Festival, from March 6-8! There is a HUGE roster of West Coast comedians, headlined by the star of the Oscar-winning food-cooking rat movie, PATTON OSWALT- and I believe that there’s some time in there for yours truly.
My Sets Are:
Thursday, March 6th: Mount Tabor Legacy Lounge, 8:00 PM
Friday, March 7th: Mount Tabor “Big Room”, 7:00 PM
Saturday, March 8th: Bar of the Gods, 8:00 PM.
POSTSCRIPT: It was fantastic. I got to see, meet, and point at so many funny, funny people. I was particularly knocked out by Kyle Kinane and Tig Notaro, and James Adomian, Jason Nash, and the lithe David Cope. Thanks to all who attended.
The hilarious Mr. Oswalt cuddles a puppy onstage. Don’t tell Grumpus.
James Adomian’s amazing George W. Bush was the surprise hit of the festival.
The only real record of me in the festival was a throwaway line about wrist-slitting, recorded in the Mercury blog.
Here is my addition to the Sleeveface project on Flickr- Hazel has always loved the Damned, and is part pig anyway. For those unfamiliar, this is a project where people pose with vinyl record sleeves in a way that completes the image.
If you haven’t seen the rest of the Sleeveface pool, it’s pretty incredible. Look here!
