The Man Who Sold The World On Autoharp:
If you give a goth an autoharp, she’ll ask for a Jazzmaster.
If you give a goth a Jazzmaster, she’ll try to play some Bowie.
I found an autoharp on Glendale boulevard in LA and tuned it and replaced the springs and felts, and then I accompanied myself on this Bowie cover, The Man Who Sold The World. I have probably gone insane. Thank you.
Wondering how to quickly cheer up your goth? Try a bright mask! They’re safer, too!
A Letter From The Editor of Vogue Magazine
We’ve got food, diet, and skin trends, but let’s face it, you’re all here for the same thing- the FALL FASHION PREVIEW! It is LEGEND. It is the Christmas Mass of fashion magazines- everyone shows up once a year!
After this editor’s letter we’ve got the table of contents, a list of the celebrity photographers who aren’t cancelled yet, a Gucci ad, another Gucci ad, and BOOM here it is, it’s been gossiped about and worried over for six months: what’s the hot trend for fall?
It’s plaid again, ya dumbshits! It will always be plaid! It’s back to school, so every woman alive is dressing like she’s showing up to Saint Lucy Of The Bleeding Eyes.
It’s because men keep this fantasy of women with knee socks and short plaid skirts long after their own kids graduate college.
I mean, if you want to know- that’s not really why.
It’s because in 1945, the UK wool industry, drunk on military production, had overruns they could not handle. They convinced Vogue Magazine to promote wool plaid for Fall 1946. Business being what it is, we HAVE to do wool plaid as a fashion trend EVERY FALL or the ENTIRE INDUSTRY WILL COLLAPSE. We have all signed a binding document, witnessed by Harry S. Truman and Winston Churchill, tying us to this unending, infernal cycle.
That’s a secret, which you’re not supposed to know. But after all these years, I know that NO-ONE has ever read this far down the letter from the editor.
Fall is also when everyone’s Goth, because New York starts getting dark and that’s where the fashion editors live- so there’s gonna be a shiny dominatrix boot and a smoky eye as well. Leather skirts. Spikes on handbags, the least scary place to put spikes. Spank me, Daddy! I work in marketing!
Next is the makeup section, where some poor fuck photo stylist has sliced up a tube of Gucci lip lacquer with a length of dental floss and stacked it up in an uneven, wabi-sabi tower of tiny red grease slabs and drizzled the whole thing over with a clear gel, because there is nothing interesting about makeup.
But don’t forget about plaid! We’re doing plaid! Did you know it has different names? It’s Stewart Tartan, Black Watch, or Burberry. You’ll get it in skirts and on bags and blouses and jackets. It’s on ties, headbands and shit, let’s do panties too! Now get out there and get mad for plaid!
Life is long, children. Life is long.
Signed, Anna Wintour
Let’s 
Make A 
Guillermo Del Toro Film!
What will we need?
Smoke wafting through air
Blood wafting through water
Blood wafting through air (ghost blood)
Insects
Ron Perlman
Cisterns
Specialized Metal Containers
Tools with Extensive Wear and Aging
A Fish Guy Who Loves Eggs
Mechanical toys
Intricate Clockwork
Catholic stuff
Gold/Amber colors
Stilts! More stilts! Additional stilts!
Robots Made of Clockwork Steampunk Shit
Children/Orphans/Dead Parents
Spanish Civil War
Vampires that are close to being vampires but are not really vampires, like slant rhyme vampires
Hand and Face wounds
Ghosts oh god so many beautiful ghosts
Doug Jones in a rubber suit
Eyes in places they should not be
A Jarred fetus, other Mutter museum stuff
A character who was born different, with special abilities, but who would trade it all to be “normal”
Elaborate carved stone labyrinths, waiting for circuits to be connected with blood
At the start of the Covid-19 lockdown, the Getty museum’s twitter account challenged people to recreate works of art at home, with things they had. I did John Singer Sargent’s Portrait of Madame X.
Someone commented that I referenced the original strapless version, which was so sexy that the artist had to add straps. It wasn’t a reference so much as my gown is made of a swimsuit and a bedsheet.
Trivia fact: The original model and I are both named Virginia.
Dollface Productions is a plus size vintage Etsy store of comedy superstar and glamourpuss, Jenny Zigrino. Here’s a dress she got me that not only fits like a dream but is totally and completely my shit. Click on it to go to her Etsy store, which she keeps stocked with great plus size vintage finds!
Packing for all ages:
30’s: I gotta get my nails and toenails done for my trip!
40’s: Doesn’t give a fuck.
30’s: I’m gonna take a little bag of jewelry curated to work with my outfits!
40’s: Doesn’t give a fuck.
30’s: Brought two styles of sunglasses for different lewks.
40’s: Own three pairs of the same sunglasses, Hollis by Oliver Peoples. Does not give a fuck.
30’s: Wait, should I buy a mini of my trademark perfume or should I try something new for the trip?
40’s: Doesn’t wear perfume at home, doesn’t give a fuck
20’s: Brought books.
30’s: Brought kindle.
40’s: Broke half a dozen kindles, now watches Youtube videos of kids kicking each other in the nuts on her phone the whole trip. Does not give a fuck.
30’s: Brought running shoes, dress shoes, and casual shoes for travel.
40’s: Brought one pair Chuck Taylor high tops and cannot possibly give a fuck.
30’s: Need room for my DSLR camera!
40’s: Bringing phone.
30’s: Need to carry on my laptop.
40’s: Bringing phone.
30’s: Bringing exquisite outfits for trip, is heartbroken she can’t bring more shoes.
40’s: I don’t know these people, who gives a fuck?
Wait, am I maturing and becoming more comfortable in my own skin- or am I just depressed?