Lil’ Miss Faultertop from Aaron Johnson on Vimeo.
The lovely and talented Aaron Johnson was kind enough to share his final cut of his short film, Lil’ Miss Faultertop.
He asked if I could act in a short film that was written with me in mind. You can only guess how delighted I was when the character was a Mommie Dearest style mother with a mentally impaired, pregnant child. Thanks for thinking of me, Aaron!
Sometimes I like to look at what drives traffic to Badinia.com. It’s like looking into your own bellybutton and finding eternity.
burning man costumes- Oh, I guess so.
virginia jones- Here!
leigh bowery- Of course.
dave vanian- Someone I think about a lot.
sisters of perpetual indulgence- Sure.
squirrel lamp- I’m a fan.
people who can not paid drugs- What?
open mic comedy portland- Yay!
burning man outfit- You again?
will.i.am trousers- I have thought about this.
silent hill halloween costumes- OK.
fighting squirrel artwork -More squirrel fans!
jock straps- What?
david blaine mother- I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned her. I don’t know why people are wondering about her, either?
mel flight of the conchords- My twin!
surgical mask porn- OK, seriously what the fuck.
japan lolita- Sure.
strawberry switchblade gothic- Naturally.
badinia dones- Of course.
baby spit- Don’t like it, don’t want it.
jackie kashian- My Homegirl.
claude tanner degrassi- Never Forget.
burning man costume- Oh, OK.
ian curtis dead- He sure is.
ron funches- Homeslice!
canadian comedy festival very fat comedian- Whoever this is, I feel bad for them. Their fatness was deemed Google-able. I hope it’s not Funches, who I love bunches!
brian j perez baby ketten- He has his stalkers.
auggie smith- What UUUP.
queen doris- Why, Yes!
capsule toys singapore- Sure.
french drag queen- Never have specifically written about one, but think about them a lot.
ameen belbahri- Aw yeah.
i close my eyes and walk out there and that’s where i start – Poetic! From Bill Hicks! If I google this and it takes me back to my own page, will I give birth to myself in space?
david bowie dressed as harlequin video- I’m proud to be a part of it.
why did lush discontinue goth juice?-THIS IS THE QUESTION OF OUR GENERATION.
donny don’t- My Pal.
virginia comedian portland- Sure.
dutch treats curious comedy- Of course.
famous mysterious actor bumbershoot 2011- Memories!
bridgetown comedy festival-A proud member.
badinia- sure.
transvestite maid- OK. Might be another person looking for Ryan Gosling.
virginia jones comedy- Sure.
scary big monsters killing people- I had never worried about this before, but now I’m worried! Are there scary big monsters killing people?
japanese amateur ass lady- How can you have an amateur ass?
open mic night comedy portland- Yay!
is billy bragg vegetarian?-I don’t know, is he?
dj rhienna portland- Yay!
bumbershoot mysterious actor- A living legend!
virginia lesbian comic portland – Uh oh.
mac and squatch- A fine film!
furious yellow band- Yay!
Wow, I feel like I’ve learned a lot, don’t you?
* I have gotten tired of people winding up here googling my ex-husband’s name, so I have replaced all incidences of it with Ryan Gosling’s name, because I am extremely mature.
Who doesn’t like a green screen, a free afternoon, and the Cure? Nathan Brannon stars as the ghost, filming and song by Tim Kohl. I did everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING. Well, I sang and lip-synched badly, and I made the ghost costume.
Postscript: At Helium last weekend, someone walking by yelled, “I Like the Ghost song!” This is one of many things I love about Portland, and about the internet.
This amazing photograph is by the amazing Roger at Circle23 Photography. (Please note: big chunks of his website are NSFW.)
“Dammit, Virginia” said Virginia, “How many times do I have to tell you to keep your dirty whore shoes off the coffee table? I work hard to keep this place nice, and I could use a little help”
“Well, Virginia”, said Virginia smugly, “It’s my table. I paid for it, and I guess I’ll ruin it if I want to.”
Virginia, meanwhile, sat whimpering in the corner, rocking back and forth and crying to herself. “You guys!” she screamed. “WHAT ABOUT VIRGINIA?”
All eyes turned to the coffee table. There, six inches from Virginia’s foot, Virginia’s body sprawled across the table, one hand clutching a shot glass. Her breath had been clouding the glass surface for the last few minutes, but the shapes of her condensed breath had been shrinking and slivering away until now, when no breath appeared. Her lips slowly began to turn blue.
“Wait- wasn’t Virginia supposed to be watching her?” asked Virginia. “Where is she, anyway?”
Virginia, her finger shaking, pointed through the window, out to the sunny balcony, where Virginia was finishing a glass of Champagne, oblivious to the state of her charge.
“Well,” said Virginia, closing her magazine, “Can I have her bedroom?”
Last week I headed to Lush, the store that makes soap out of food, to restock one of my primary staples- along with soy lattes, I am propelled through the world by Goth Juice, the vegan hairstyling product inspired by the Mighty Boosh that I first loved here.
I stood in the middle of the store and looked around, casually, and then with ever-growing confusion, until a nice girl with a fashionable haircut broke the news to me- Goth Juice, Made from the Tears of Robert Smith, had been dropped from the LUSH offering. I dropped to my knees and started gasping like a trout, and regretted the carefree, sloppy vigor with which I had dispatched my last tub of product.
If I had known, I said, I would have made it LAST, maybe frozen a little bit for a special occasion, like my marriage to Noel Fielding, or the funeral of the person who discontinued Goth Juice.
Purple. Slippery but dry, like the SLIME toy that was sold in the 80’s until every carpeting had SLIME mashed liberally into it. It smelt like pine trees, or like a linoleum floor that had been washed with something that smelt like pine trees. Lightweight and evoking Vince Noir and gravity-defying satsumas. Infinitely superior to the greasy King of the Mods, which inexplicably survives. If no-one else loved you, Goth Juice, I loved you.
Me and spouse are heading to The Woods tonight to play records as our weirdzo 80’s DJ team, New Rotic. We’ve played every venue in this town, from the defunct Blackbird to the deceased Nocturnal to the underground Dunes. Lipgloss & Cigarettes are Portland’s finest retired britpop night, DJ’ed by “Beetlebum” Kell Dockham. There’s no cover and there’s no stopping us, so come by around 9 o’clock!
On Thursday, I will be doing a show in Seattle with adorable SF comedy finalist Solomon Georgio, funny ukelelist Barbara Holm, lovable weirdo Derek Sheen and gracious host Rick Taylor at the Holiday Hullabaloo, a benefit for the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. It’ll be a gay old time at the Jewelbox! Tickets can be purchased here!
Postscript: Oh, what a gay old time was had! Money was raised, drinks were drunk, and I got to perform with drag artists and comics, and in general it was the best time ever.
Sexy Jesus and Sexy Santa enjoy a duet- Kenny and James.
This amazing mural appeared in the green room.
Me and my favorite Pete had a great time.