long beach Archives ⋆ Virginia Jones

Halloween 2013: God Save the Queen!

virginia jones as Queen Victoria costume goth

This year I decided to find a new “sexy” costume, so I went with the dowager Queen Victoria. She wore mourning black for forty years after the death of her beloved consort Prince Albert. She was the first Royal to be photographed, and believed that cosmetics were for prostitutes and actresses. Is there really a difference?

The high point of my Halloweek was visiting Emo Philips, and he seemed very pleased to meet Sexy Queen Victoria.

virginia jones as queen victoria photographed by evan ballinger

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Very Gothixxx Halloween

Gothixxx were glad to welcome the lovely Dave and Jenn Bats of Release the Bats fame to the program, as well as guest cameraman Derrick Lemos.

A Henchman’s Letter

First of all, let me say, I’m really excited to be joining your team of henchmen. When I saw the ad on Craigslist, I thought, this might be my path out of depression, self-destruction, and debt, and I get my own leather jumpsuit! I’m excited about backing you up when you show up places and make big pronouncements and call for the action of the Target so that we can lure him into a trap. I’m proud to be your muscle and your backup. You’re a big man, and I love being a part of the operation you’re building here. That being said, I want to clarify your expectations of me.

1. I’m a minor character, so I’m never going to be a sureshot.

If I’m shooting at your Target, I’m never going to so much as wing him. I’m a minor character. I am only ever referred to as HENCHMAN #2. I’m never gonna land anything, no matter how many hours I spend on the firing range. If I’m lucky, I’ll accidentally shoot another henchman and he’ll yell at me for comic effect.

2. If the Target seriously hurts me, I’m going to go seek medical attention, not fight him to the death.

I’m an hourly employee. I’m not going to risk my life on this shit. If I’m losing blood and fighting the Target on top of a collapsing tension bridge? I’m gonna get the fuck off the bridge and get some stitches and some painkillers and go home and watch The Voice.

I’m not your Mom. I’m not motivated by superhuman loyalty or revenge. I’m working for just over minimum wage. I don’t even get Medical, we’re all independent contractors because Aetna would be really curious about all the claims your henchmen make for being strangled and shot and burned and bitten by sharks. It’s not worth it. You didn’t know I loved The Voice? There’s a lot you don’t know about me. Work-life balance. Look it up.

3. Lastly, I’m human. I make mistakes. When I tell you that the Target has escaped and I honestly apologize and tell you it won’t happen again, don’t tell me you know it won’t and be creepily affectionate towards me (which I LOVE, I didn’t grow up with a Dad, obviously) and then kill me. I’m doing the best I fucking can. Your Target is an Oxford-educated international spy in constant contact with a support network keeping track of his every move and feeding him information. You know I didn’t even finish high school, man.

Thanks so much for reviewing this! Now, let’s get out there and build an evil empire!

Regards, Henchman #2

Behind the Scenes

I was helping out on Seraph Films‘ shoot and actor Chip Mefford put his fingers up my nose.*

Chip paid for it dearly. Did he die in a temporal loop? Or is it PA Revenge?

* Also see sleep-deprived director Gene Blalock sing “Singin’ in the Rain” with a reflector. This was right before he was wandering from person to person announcing that he liked apples.

Comedy Palace!

Holy crap, a free comedy show with me and friendly giant Pete Holmes!

The Return Of Bloodmeadow: SDCC 13

I stopped in on SDCC 13 to promote Horror Haiku and my friends at Seraph Films and I wanted to share my high points with you!

It’s always wonderful to see my handsome genius friend Douglas Wolk. This time, I got to see him run a panel on cliffhangers in comics.

SDCC is pretty overwhelming, and after last year’s visit, I just accept that I’m going to miss things like Mulder and Scully’s reunion and I’ll see the same fat guy in a Mario hat twenty times.

I don’t like being outside or standing in lines, so most of Comic-Con’s hot spots won’t happen for me.

Steampunk has gotten out of control with nerd crossover as every vendor asks “Can I make a corset out of children’s Star Wars sheets?”

Lots of Dr. Who’s this year, and fewer Anime kids with giant weapons.

PHOTOS!

I got my picture taken a lot, and the nicest compliment was from a guy who said “That’s really…alarming.”

It’s always good to see Old Gregg.

A really good Marla Singer and a somewhat meth-ed out Tyler Durden.

Gris Grimly’s lovely gal Victoria Vengeance poses with a card for me.

Supernatural’s Castiel and Dean were in attendance, and feeling very sexy about it. I did see Rob Benedict, who plays Chuck Shurley, interviewing someone about something.

My personal highlight was meeting Emo Philips for the third time, each time is more delightful than the last!

I Am The Inventor Of Animal Sleeveface

4. Same goes for this gross lil guy.

Same goes for this gross lil guy. Aw, actually, I would almost pet this one… maybe.

Via: badinia

OK, last Friday a photo of my dog Hazel Samedi Jones with a Damned record in 2007 was posted on Buzzfeed, which I took as a sign from the universe that the genius of Animal Sleeveface was finally being recognized. I’m a little hurt that she gets called a boy, because look at them womanly nips!

See the whole post here.