Category: portland

Adventures in Casinos- Spirit Mountain Edition!

I told a secret to a wolf at Spirit Mountain Casino.
Last night I did comedy with one of my favorite ladies, Susan Rice, at Spirit Mountain Casino in Grand Ronde. It was one of those shows where we performed to people who did not know they were being performed to, and who mostly just wanted to eat oversized desserts and then go put their money in plasma-screen slot machines. However, we soldiered on, had fun, and kept PG-13 rating.

I got up this morning to head home, using my food voucher to secure a soy latte for the road. It is never clearer that I am far from home than when I visit a casino coffee shop.br /I was sold a bagel, which was wearing a sticker proudly proclaiming that it was fresh on Tuesday. I decided not to eat it, but it functioned very well in the car as kind of a cinnamon-raisin air freshener. They do have soy milk- score!- but the barista asks if I have a food allergy, or if I “make a choice” not to drink milk. I explain to her that I am a total pain-in-the-ass vegan. People really seem to prefer when it’s not a moral stance. I also have a personalized coffee cup with all my favorite stuff on it that I got at Star*ucks, and carry from town to town like a security blanket- if you want the same one, you can download the art here, or use it as a template for your own amazing tumbler! As I handed it over, the very sincere barista asked if I would mind if she made my coffee in a paper cup, like regular, and then poured it into my travel cup. I pointed out to her sweetly, that really doesn’t save a tree, does it? And she said, oooooh. I guess not!

Nothing can prepare you for casino life. Wolf shirts are worn without irony. People smoke cigarettes INSIDE. You think you can take it? I’d like to see you try!

Ladies’ Rock Camp and the Birth Of Furious Yellow

For many years, I have been playing mediocre rhythm guitar. I used to play with my band, Sadly Deluded, and I would tell jokes and play songs until someone suggested that I could just tell jokes and I wouldn’t have to haul a guitar around. I have always wanted to be a better guitar player, so I decided to force myself to practice guitar more by signing up for ladies’ rock camp. It didn’t actually work that way, and so I showed up with baby-soft fingers to play on for eight hours a day, which then hurt like bejeezus all weekend. My fault.

My former band’s logo, designed by the fantastic Francisco Garcia

Ladies’ Rock Camp is very fast paced- you show up, eat lunch, form a band, take a class for your instrument, and start writing a song.

When asked what kind of band I wanted, I couldn’t think of the term for the music I like so I just said “Mope Rock”. I still can’t think of a better word for the music I like.
Something strange about Rock Camp is the almost unremitting positivity and support of the other campers and staff. I think now that I have been selling myself short as a mediocre guitar player. I’m at least an average guitar player.

It was kind of uncomfortable, since I am used to stand-up, in which friendships are based on tearing each other down in public or private.


I had a moment I think might have been life-changing- we had been rehearsing our song over and over, and for a minute I was just playing it on my own, and I thought, “This doesn’t sound as good as it does with the rest of my band,” and that’s the first time I’ve ever thought anything of the sort.


 We named ourselves Furious Yellow, and our lead bass player made us matching 1″ buttons.
We wrote a song about breaking up, and sketched out our first EP:

Title: I Am Furious Yellow

Songlist:

Confirm or Deny
The Blood Of These Whores Is Killing Me
Doublewide Coffin (a coffin built for two)
Let Go Of The Cremains
My Hands Are Made Of Meat
I Still Have Your Knee Socks From Thanksgiving

Fun Facts About Furious Yellow:

Three members from Cali, one from Idaho, and one Portlander
We’re so heavy, we need two bass players
Our lead bassist has been to Rock Camp four times. She features in an article from the London Guardian on ladies’ rock camp in 2006!

Two blue-eyed, two green-eyed, one brown-eyed lady.

Five band members, and THREE tap dancers! What are the odds?

I was given a rainbow guitar strap, which I thought was appropriate because my Telecaster is at least bi-curious.
After the show at Satyricon, Furious Yellow was very tired and stinky and our fingers hurt, so we drank alcohol until we felt better.


If you like music and are a lady, I really recommend this camp. It is approximately the most fun thing ever.

A New Dance by Christian Ricketts!

A talented young comic in the area has developed a new dance for use at Suki’s, called the slip-and-fall. I thought perhaps you would enjoy it. I find watching Christian fall down over and over again to be sort of hypnotic, so please don’t do it while operating heavy machinery.

There’s a brand-new dance but I don’t know it’s name
Oooh-ha. Ricketts.
The people at Suki’s do it again and again
Ooooh-ha. Ricketts.

A Laugh A Minute on OPB!

I made all of my mother’s dreams come true by appearing on an NPR affiliate! Last Thursday, I spent some time in the OPB studio with Emily Harris, David Miller, Auggie Smith, and Ron Funches.

I talked to Andy Norris, who heads up Manzanita’s weekly Laugh-In. He posits that standing in the street and laughing like a**holes for five minutes at nothing is just as fun as seeing a comic.

Postscript: The Portland Mercury heard my abuse on the radio and responded with a sweet blog on it.

Scratch PDX! A Mixed Media Show!

I am performing in a mixed media show called Scratch PDX on Saturday, April 18th at the Hipbone Studio at 9PM- co-hosted by one Jesse Alison! I am interested in trying a weirder set to an audience not specifically expecting comedy- it looks to be a varied evening of performers-

“Spent” an excerpt by Rick Huddle

“The Sky’s the Limit” Michael Philips

Virginia Jones

“Ritual of the Serpent God” Deviant Dance

“TISA” Teatro Neurotica

“Kallyope Yell” Tony Greiner

“Undine” an excerpt by Faith Helma

with music by Ben Kulp

hosted by Don Kern with special guest Jesse Alison! The fun starts at 9 PM at the Hipbone studio at 1847 E. Burnside- eight dollar cover includes all the arty pretension you can eat! Wear a beret! Have fun with it!