portland Archives ⋆ Page 8 of 25 ⋆ Virginia Jones

The “HA” in Hawthorne- Bridgetown Comedy 2012 – By Anne Adams

Bridgetown Comedy 2012

Portland’s biggest comedy fest is next week! Preview top acts!

Anne Adams

Can you believe Bridgetown Comedy Festival is turning five?
In some ways, it seems too soon; on the other hand, the four-day, 200-act laughathon has become so essential to springtime in Portland that the Pre-Humorous Period seems practically Jurassic. Who among us can even remember what the Hawthorne district was like before it rang with hearty guffaws?

Featured Performers

Festival co-founder Andy Wood is a recent PDX-pat now living and working in the LA comedy scene. He has a refined comedy palate that savors the absurd and the sardonic, and though he’s excited about all 200 guests, here are his can’t-miss picks.

Janeane Garofalo
“Such a comedy legend,” says Wood of the well-known actress, comedian, and liberal talk radio maven who taped her last standup special, If You Will, at Seattle’s Moore Theater. We’ve no doubt the tatted-out bespectacled feminist will find Portland similarly welcoming.

Tim Heidecker
You know The Tim & Eric Awesome Show? Well, this guy is that Tim, which makes him partially responsible for a seemingly endless barrage of blue lampoons and low-budget visual absurdity. Let’s see what he does live onstage.

Jon Glaser
You probably won’t recognize Jon Glaser from Adult Swim Network’s misanthropic and multi-layered comedy Delocated, even though he’s the star. Playing a character under witness protection, Glaser sports a black ski mask and speaks through a voice changer. He’ll appear in character for The Delocated Witness Protection Program Variety Show and join a panel discussion about his one-of-a-kind program.

Todd Barry
A well-recognized no-nonsense stand-up with tons of TV and road cred, Barry will join the Delocated events and also do a couple sets.

Brett Gelman
Described by Wood as “a comedy jack-of-all-trades, and a scene-stealer in every movie,” Gelman is a regular with Upright Citizens Brigade and Chris Elliot’s costar on Adult Swim’s slapstick action show Eagleheart.

Our Own Particularly “Portland” Picks

While Andy goes in for maximum cred and novelty, Culturephile must admit a different bias: We tend to love people who speak to us. We also favor comedians who call Portland home, and those who, despite not being from here, seem deeply committed to “keeping it weird,” particularly in a wordy, nerdy, Portland way. Hence, here are the acts that earn a flourish from PM’s highlighter.

Andy Wood
Bridgetown’s mastermind isn’t just a booker, folks; he’s also a comic who got his start in Southeast Portland, bravely bucking the mainstream back when indie rock still seemed the only coin of the realm. Though he’s too modest to make a big deal of it, without Wood there would be no Bridgetown, and probably a much smaller Portland comedy scene. So go buy this guy a drink.

Maria Bamford
“The Bammer” hates day jobs, does a pterodactyl impression, and jokes about being chronically single and in love with her pug. How is she not from Portland? Give this woman a key to the city.

Matt Braunger
Braunger won us over last October, sitting down for an interview with PM correspondent Rebecca Waits on the eve of taping his Comedy Central standup special at the Alberta Rose Theatre.

Ron Funches
Even funnier than his name makes him sound, Mr. Funches was featured in our latest March issue. “People can steal your jokes, but they can’t ‘out-you’ you,” muses the endearingly distinctive comic.

Ian Karmel
Full disclosure: Our own bar pilot John Chandler was one of the judges last summer at the Helium Comedy contest that deemed Karmel The Funniest Person In Portland. Though that’s an ever harder title to hold, Karmel continues to prove his prominence with appearances on Portlandia and gut-bustingly good sets.

Virginia Jones
One of our Fall Arts issue featurees in 2010 and a participant in PAM’s Shine a Light event last fall, Ms. Jones was at the forefront of Portland’s comedy groundswell before migrating to the warmer climes of LA. The woman who impertinently retitled one of PAM’s priceless abstract bronze sculptures “The Scrunchie” is back to flip us even more lip.

Noteworthy Theme Shows

Think Bridgetown is all standup? Think again. Like many great fests, conventions, and consortiums, Bridgetown mixes in panel discussions and collaborations. The tent is even big enough for standup’s wacky cousin improv.

The Humor Code
Professor Peter McGraw and a panel of comedians including Pete Holmes, Myq Kaplan and more assess comedy culture clashes, from the infamous Muhammad cartoonist to Jewish jokes told in Palestine, hoping to figure out what—if anything—is universally funny.

Set List In this improv challenge, comics are given a never-before-seen “set list” of outrageous topics to perform on the spot, while the audience follows the list on the projection screen behind them. “This has been a huge hit at Edinburgh and everywhere else they’ve put it on,” says Wood.

The Super Serious Show
An LA-based showcase hits Portland with special guests, including Dave Hill and Conan writer Andres du Bouchet.

Bridgetown 2012 takes place APRIL 12-15.

Bridgetown Comedy Appeteaser!

In its fifth year of existence and awesomeness, Bridgetown Comedy Festival is bringing back many favorites and veterans, like hilarious lefty mimic James Adomian and local boy/founder Matt Braunger, as well as AMAZING performers Maria Bamford, Tim Heidecker, and Todd Barry, but they have also gone out of their way to freshen up the offering to keep this festival exciting for everybody- over HALF the roster is new to Bridgetown, so look out for some hilarious new faces, as well as some great headliners that we just haven’t been lucky enough to host yet!

Also, please note that although the general population is 1%-2% red-headed, the Bridgetown line-up is 6% red-haired, which has got to mean something. Tell me if you figure out what it means.

Portland favorite Doug Benson will be there, with his best friend/bodyguard/karate expert Graham Elwood!

Pete Holmes returns after setting the Bridgetown world on fire in 2011- this year, he started the very strange and funny You Made It Weird podcast, has voiced a baby who sells stocks on the internet, and made return appearances on John Oliver’s Comedy Central stand-up show!

Former SNL writer and Onion contributor Mike Drucker will be back, he’s amazingly funny and cerebral- he has worked with Brian Posehn and Patton Oswalt, and has also hung out with my dogs! Also, it’s his birthday today!

The incredibly talented, phenomenally awkward Jesse Case is returning to eat veggie dogs and crack jokes!

My tiny hero, Janine Brito, is returning from San Francisco, she made waves last year with her bowtie and her special jokes! Goddamnit but she’s funny!

Even more exciting are some of the comics making their Bridgetown premiere:

Alice Wetterlund is a recent LA transplant from Noo Yawk, where she kicked all kindsa ass at the UCB and wrote with Bridgetown alum Kurt Braunholer. She will recap the shit out of Grey’s Anatomy for you.

Dan Mintz– he’s the voice of Tina on Bob’s Burgers, and even more than that, he’s a funny Alaskan.
Nate Bargatze– A Tennessee native and national touring act, he’s the son of a magician, which is a common curse at his house. He lives in New York City and wants to tell you jokes.

Sagar Bhatt- He’s in sneaker commercials! He was a finalist on Last Comic Standing! He makes films! My God, what doesn’t he do?

Lucas Dick- We’re excited for the Bridgetown premier of Andy Dick’s son, Lucas, who is very funny in his own right, but whom I hope will not try to fight me at an afterparty, or go missing for several days after the festival.

Mary Mack is an incredible and very unique performer, having appeared on Last Comic Standing and Live at Gotham. She can play the mandolin and charm the birds out of the trees. I like her, is what I guess I’m saying. She’s on Marc Maron’s amazing podcast this week, so wet your beak!

Matt Ingebretson– he draws, he tweets, he stands up and tells jokes! He’s written for Funny or Die and the Tommy Wi-Show! Check out this amazin’ dude!

Taylor Williamson– He’s been on Last Comic Standing, Montreal Juste Pour Rire (but the English language version) MTV’s Total Request Live, and is the youngest person to do comedy on Craig Ferguson’s show. (Low whistle)

Amanda Perrin- A redheaded Canadian lady who’s funny- she might as well be our mascot. She’s from Calgary and is hilarious. Please make a point of checking her out!

Matt Fulchiron– He can be seen in his own Comedy Central Presents and has been featured on Live at Gotham, Last Comic Standing, Tosh.0, Craig Ferguson and Comics Unleashed, and is right now at SXSW, eating tacos and leering at UT students.

Guy Branum– He’s got a wikipedia page, which for me is the height of obvious awesomeness. He’s a writer and regular panelist for Chelsea Lately, “Staff Homosexual” on Chelsea Lately and worked against type as Natalie Portman’s sassy gay friend in No Strings Attached. Guy also writes for the “Gay Voices” section of The Huffington Post, and ironically he’s not gay, just another straight actor pretending. Just kidding, he’s as gay as the Queen’s hat. Check his business out! And when I say, “business”, I mean his comedy.

Katie Crown- What? Another funny Canadian? What are we, sponsoring green cards? This lady has appeared on the Jon Dore show (le sigh! So great), she’s a puppeteer and voice actor, and is in general crazy talented.

Ever Mainard– This lady kicks all kinds of ass in Chicago comedy, and is one of that city’s favorites. She’ll improv you, and she’ll stand you up, she’ll make you laugh!

Ben Roy- He’s outta Colorado, where he ran a show with Bridgetown returning alum Adam Cayton-Holland- he’s performed at the New Faces showcase in Montreal and just about everyplace else! His favorite Cormac McCarthy book is Suttree, which is also my favorite! Fuck “The Road!”

Tone Bell- Won NBC’s Stand Up For Diversity contest in 2011, is a theatre major, likes cats, coffee, and making breakfast for nice girls. He’s coming to Bridgetown out of Dallas, Texas. If you’ve never seen a Texan before, approach with caution.

Other shows to watch out for: the amazing film FREAKDANCE will be screened!

The incredible long-form improv show, ASSSSCAT returns with another all-star cast!

Clear your calendars from April 12th to the 15th, buy tickets and find a place to sleep! It’s comin’! Follow @bridgetown on Twitter and like them on Facebook and do all that crap! BECAUSE IT’S HOW TO HAVE FUN!

Updates! Janeane Garofalo, Rory Scovel, and Jon Glaser! And Amy Schumer! And Mary Lynn Rajskub! Holy Crap!

Learning Cockney Slang: Don’t Be A Berkeley Hunt

Kevin Keegan, not a vegan

In Cockney rhyming slang, “I’m going to the Fatboy Slim” means “I’m going to the gym.” This is interesting, because as far as I can tell, Norman Cook’s fitness regimen is cocaine, which in cockney is “charlie.”

To call someone a “Berk” is short for “Berkely Hunt”, which rhymes with something that is the reason why the Mighty Boosh can never be shown in prime time in England, because the inoffensive-sounding “berk” is slang for something very dirty, something that rhymes with “hunt”, and starts with a “c”.

In cockney, to say something is Kevin Keegan, after the legendary footballer and coach, means that something is vegan. My tiny friend Emiko from Foodfightgrocery.com let me know this triv, that if you are at a party and pointing at various foods, asking “Zat Kevin?”, you are asking if it’s free of animal products, not made of an unlucky friend.

I took a picture of this sign at Nike, which makes me laugh but doesn’t make anyone else laugh, because it implies that the hallway is vegan. I think it’s Eddie. (eddie money=funny.)

byronbowie

Postscript: Like most of us, I was watching the Julien Temple short film, Jazzin’ for Blue Jean, on the treadmill last night (sidebar: Bowie was 37 when this film was made, and in my opinion at the height of his personal awesomeness. Goals, people.) Anyway, in this film, when Bowie is portraying the most challenging role of his career, a scheming poster-hanger named Vic, he says “I’m a berk!”, which means that Bowie tricked MTV into letting him say “cunt” repeatedly on their network in 1984, which is just another reason he’s my hero.

Portlandia!

So, I was in the third episode of Portlandia this season, and I’ll also be in the season finale. Pretty much everyone in Portland gets a turn to be on the show. While they’re shooting, people just line up at Powell’s Books downtown and wait to get picked up by the Craft Services bus. My first episode is available at Amazon.com here, because this world is modern. The most fun thing was asking Carrie about the time she called in to promote herself on the OPB show about comedy I was on, and how I gave her crap for it.

The Dead Man’s Quarter

This is a story about one of my last big adventures in Portland.

I got a job in California, and, dreading the commute, I bought my first new car, a 2012 Jetta, my second Jetta and my fourth Volkswagen. It smelled so new and looked so pretty.

I also had a photoshoot that week. We had a lot of fun in the graveyard, and took lots of pictures.

At one point, the photographer found a raised grave that he decided that he would like for me to lie down on, since it was thirty five degrees out and wet. I balked a little, but he showed me some mud on his knee to indicate that he was also “getting in the muck” and working hard. The pictures we got are now some of my favorites, because they look like 4AD record covers.

As I got up, I picked up a quarter from the edge of the grave. I said “I’m taking this, because I’ve earned it!” and I put it in my pocket. It was a 1981 quarter, and the face and back both had a sanded quality, from being rained on for a long time. I went on with my day, and later told the mortician’s son about the quarter. He was very suspicious about my decision, saying, “That quarter’s not yours, and you’d better put it back!” I laughed at him, and we went to dinner.

The next night, I totaled my new Jetta on my 6th day of ownership. Yes, the road was icy, and yes, the car in front of me had stopped short, but none of those are good reasons for driving my car into the back that car. I blacked out briefly on impact, and came around to an ODOT worker telling me that I should get out of the car in case it exploded. Here is my car, after the fact. I had made it into a large paperweight.

On the first day, I was embarrassed and appalled with myself for having smashed it, but on the second day, I thought about how lucky I was. I came out of the accident with a small airbag burn on my wrist. The other driver was also OK. He was driving a 1979 Cutlass, so his body damage amounted to having the bumper pushed into the body. I considered not telling anyone what I had done, but I thought it might raise questions when I just wordlessly reverted to driving my 1996 Jetta.

That week, I drove to Seattle for a gig, and took my best Pete with me. I showed him the dead man’s quarter and he recoiled, and said, “Why did you bring that thing on a road trip?

By the time I got home from Seattle, I had started to have second thoughts about the Dead Man’s Quarter, so I asked the mortician’s son to escort me after dark to return it. I hated to admit to myself that in the dark and the rolling fog, it was a little spooky in my lovely little cemetery. I put the quarter right back where I found it, and haven’t totalled a car since, so- that worked!

Almost Locally Famous

Since a blog is essentially a self-aggrandizing machine, I am starting a list of places where I have been recognized as a comedian. I’ll start here and update as needed.

The Fez nightclub!

Chaos Cafe, a couple times. I’m pretty famous in vegetarian eateries.

Los Gorditos, when I tried to tell the counter girl my name, she said, “I know who you are.” And she did! That’s my favorite.

CAPTAIN AHAB show at the Artistery: I was dancing like an idiot, and a girl said “I’m a fan of yours.” I said “Of my dancing?” and she said “no.”

Pearl Bakery: A very handsome person had seen me host at Helium, but gave no indication on whether or not he thought I was funny.

Mt Angel Oktoberfest: Technically recognized for hosting Brian Perez’s bingo at the Woods, but I also made jokes that night.

Saturday Market, by hippies.

Costco, as referred to onstage approximately one hundred times.

Nike, I was recognized as a lady who also told jokes at an art museum.

Blossoming Lotus Vegan, by a nice waitress.

Baby Ketten Karaoke, where all the cool kids go anyway.

The Horsehead Pub in Eugene, where Autumn was having a birthday.

Mugs & Suds in Sequim, OR. It’s the only bar in Sequim, so that’s not such a stretch.

Espresso Factory in Port Orford, OR, because my headshot was in their weekly newsletter. Newsletter!

Afterparty at Bumbershoot 2010- at Chop Suey. I was recognized not just as someone who had done time that day at Bumbershoot, but as someone who had done time at Ameen Behlbari’s showcase in SF. This was written down in a little notebook, and was shown to me.

Moshe Kasher show at Hollywood Theatre- This might be cheating, because comedy fans come to comedy shows, but still.

Laurelthirst, a lady had just come to Helium and seen me host the open mike!

Dutch Bros coffee, where young people who go to open mikes work!

OKCupid, lots of times, by people who say they “love my comedy”, but are silent and weird if we go out and they buy me a drink. Yay!

Hollywood Improv- recognized from Portlandia, which is weird, because I don’t say anything on that show.

Zulu Tattoo: The appointment lady showed me video of myself singing at a Supernatural convention. Highlight of highlights.

Smutty Clown Comedy review- from qpdx.com

Need a good first date idea? This is not it. It’s more like the third date when you’re ready to see what your person is made of.

Smutty Clown Comedy at Saratoga Bar isn’t for the faint of heart, nor is it for the politically correct. Seriously. Do not bring that special someone who is canvassing for any sort of human rights. You will be dumped. Immediately.

But if you’re looking for a fun way to spend a Thursday night and you can handle straight cisgender guys yelling “you all are cunts” into the microphone, this may just be the place.

Billed as a monthly X-rated open mic, Smutty Clown is hosted by Sterling Clark and Whitney Streed. Clark is pretty much adorable – on this night she was wearing a floral dress and cardigan, hair in a head scarf with large glasses aka Sally Jessy Raphael. Streed was walking around in a suit, looking like she knew everyone in the place.

[Here are] “Some of the best comedians in town, saying some of the dirtiest things to you,” Streed said.

Virginia Jones, the funniest of the night, poked fun at her name – “It’s totally a black girl name, I get it. Virginia Jones either sings in a church or dies.” With hot pink dye streaking her dark hair and donning a suit with a tee-shirt, Jones, who is white, went on, “I don’t trust black Republicans for the same reason I don’t trust gay Republicans. Why would you want to be with a team that hates you?”

She described rockabilly guys “as gay as you can get while still being a straight dude,” and said her experience on OKCupid has led her to believe that most single men in Portland are bearded, bisexual, polyamorous and do graphic design – freelance.

“I would like to be the expert in c*ck-sucking at my house,” she told the audience on why she ultimately decided to not date bisexual guys.

After a swear-filled rant about handjobs in a Korean spa from a guy with neck tattoos who lived in Vegas, Richie Stratton came on stage to say, “That act was sadder than a Craigslist personal ad.”

In the world of open mics, you’re lucky to see one or two that really light up the stage – that exude confidence and understand how to engage an audience. Stratton is one of these people – “I tried to kill myself,” he said as part of his twisted bit. “I took a whole bottle of pills but they were multivitamin and I woke up fighting crime.”

He added later, “I don’t do cocaine. The last thing I need is to be confident and not shut up.”

Guess maybe you had to be there.

It’s easy to rant about shitty jokes or the people who can’t deliver them – but I will say this – it’s not easy getting up in front of a crowd and performing for a laugh. And though much of the humor at Smutty Clown is refreshingly perverse and dirty, it’s not clean in the sense of smart or conscious – for the most part. But that’s just the night I went – something tells me every month is different – even if the same comedians show up to play.

Go and judge for yourself. Just have thick skin and be ready to deal with long-haired hipsters double-fisting beers and clapping obnoxiously in the middle of jokes. Kudos to Streed and Clark for creating a space for this to exist – the wildly inappropriate humor strangely fits in this wildly inappropriate world.