Category: Virginia Jones

Unsolicited Comedy Advice

unsolicited comedy advice smart rabbit in glasses ai image

It’s unsolicited comedy advice time! As near as I can tell, everyone on earth is either a comedian or a DJ, and some of those people have gotta need advice. These are theories, or ideas really, that have brought me some comfort in a difficult world.

1. Festival Bookers aren’t funnier than you are

They don’t have to be. They’ve organized a festival. They are, for the most part, lazy, burrito-eating pieces of shit, living on their friend’s couches. That’s how I imagine them, anyway. They aren’t better than you are, they just run a festival in Pig’s Snout, Arkansas.

Except for the festival bookers who have booked me before. They are connoisseurs and the true arbiters of taste.

2. Squeaky Wheels Suck at Comedy

You’ll run into people in this world who are aggressive about booking. Aggressive aggressive aggressive. That’s how they have found success.

You do have to ask for bookings, don’t get me wrong, but there’s people whose whole life is bugging other people. That’s how they survive and pretend they have a career.

3. Show Bookers Are Not Funnier Than You

I’ve done it a thousand times, I do a show with someone who books a comedy show and I absolutely wipe the floor with them and then think, how dare they not book me?

They don’t have to. They got it together to run a show. They’ll book the people they like, or the people they want to ingratiate themselves to. It’s not *really* a meritocracy. Sorry!

4. Some People Are Just Never Gonna Book You

This is the best unsolicited advice. There are some people, some shows, some festivals even, that just won’t like you. Once you’ve politely reached out a half dozen times, you don’t have to keep torturing yourself. Put your energy, your support, your time into shows that like you.

5. Comedy Doesn’t Have To Pay Your Bills

There’s people who will tell you that if you don’t make a living from comedy, you’re not a real comedian. Here’s the thing. Loving comedy and being funny, truly loving the artform, doesn’t mean that you’ll make much money at it.

Your art doesn’t owe you a living. You can be a genius and never make a dime. You can be a hack and make a good living. As far as I can tell, being funny and making money at comedy are only tangentially related.

The fact is that not depending on comedy to pay your rent frees you. You don’t have to take gigs you don’t enjoy, and you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do.

6. “I run a comedy show. How can I tell if I’m funny?”

Do you ever do any shows that aren’t yours? Once your comedy show ends, do you keep getting booked? No? Congratulations, you’re a producer, baybee!

7. Remember that success is not a straight line

One day, you’re jealous as shit because your friend got a speaking role in a Disney show. The next minute, you’re helping them pack their bags to move home. One day, you’re playing a huge theatre supporting another friend. The next, you’re bumped on an open mic in the fucking Valley. You’ll have big and little successes, and big and little failures. That doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. If you love it, keep going. If you don’t, find a better way to spend your time.

Presented by the iPhone 14

I am so honored to share my new half-hour special, “Virginia Jones: Presented by the iPhone 14”. The iPhone in question recorded me from the back of the Greater Purpose brewery in Santa Cruz, Ca. I just feel so excited to premiere my comedy half hour on YouTube!

It’s so great to finally have a half-hour special. I hope you check out my jokes about elephants, divorce, gun control, women’s rights, childlessness, and lockdown. I just know that this is going to lead to the next steps in my comedy career. I’m ready, Hollywood!

AI Reviews: Virginia Jones

Dall-e image of comedian virginia jones
A beautiful image of me by Dall-E

I asked Google’s Bard AI to review Virginia Jones’ comedy, and this is what I got, which is more true than not-true:

Virginia Jones is a stand-up comedian who is known for her dark and absurdist humor. Her jokes often deal with topics such as death, religion, and mental illness. Jones’s comedy is not for everyone, but it is sure to get a reaction from those who appreciate her unique brand of humor.

In her latest album, “Gothic American,” Jones tackles a wide range of topics, from her own mental health struggles to the state of the world. The album is both funny and thought-provoking, and it is sure to leave a lasting impression on anyone who listens to it.

One of the things that makes Jones’s comedy so unique is her willingness to tackle taboo subjects. She is not afraid to talk about death, religion, and mental illness, and she does so with a refreshing honesty and humor. Jones’s comedy is not for everyone, but it is sure to get a reaction from those who appreciate her unique brand of humor.

Another thing that makes Jones’s comedy so special is her ability to connect with her audience. She has a natural charisma and a way of making her audience feel like they are part of the joke. Jones is a master of storytelling, and she weaves her jokes into personal anecdotes that make her material feel more relatable.

Overall, Virginia Jones is a talented comedian who is sure to please fans of dark and absurdist humor. Her latest album, “Gothic American,” is a must-listen for anyone who appreciates unique and thought-provoking comedy.

acrylic beanie badinia

Badinia Beanie for Sale!

I’m pleased to offer my first piece of artist’s merchandise for sale!  It’s a Badinia beanie to keep you warm in cool weather, and cool in all weather.  It’s cooler than a t-shirt, and you can wear it every day! I mean it! Wear it every day!

But Where Will I WEAR IT?

It’s good to wear at work, at church, on a date, to school, to the grocery store, on a cruise! Wear it to rockshows, to weddings, to a bar mitzvah, to a Parent-Teacher conference, to an AA meeting! Take it to your rehab facility intake, to your divorce trial, or to your friend’s funeral!

  1. Outdoor Activities: Beanies are great for outdoor activities like hiking, camping, skiing, snowboarding, or any winter sport. They help keep your head warm in cold weather conditions
  2. Beanies are commonly worn as part of casual outfits, especially during the colder months. You can wear them with jeans, hoodies, sweaters, or jackets for a cozy and stylish look.
  3. Beanies can be worn with outfits, including sneakers, joggers, graphic tees, and bomber jackets.
  4. Are you going to a music festival, ever? When the sun goes down, you’re gonna want a beanie, believe me!
  5. Sporting Events- if you like sports that are outside, we are very different people, but you can wear a beanie to it!.
  6. On Hat Day, if you work at Starbucks- I can tell there’s a Hat Day, because sometimes I walk in and everyone is wearing a hat and DARING me to talk about it!
  7. On planes, trains, and other forms of public transit- a beanie makes for a cozy way to stay comfortable on transit!.
  8. At the gym- you’d hate to get a cold head at the gym, right? Right!
  9. Style: Pretend you have style! Wear a beanie!
  10. Wear it on a bad hair day so nobody can tell, or wear it on a good hair day to make it a bad hair day!
virginia jones branded beanie
acrylic beanie badinia

TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEANIE!

This beanie is a fine gauge knit 100% acrylic yarn, with a hand-applied brand-embroidered patch.  If we’re being real, the embroidery patch is hand applied by the artist, which means that no two are exactly alike! You can buy it here, or on bandcamp, if you like!

This is the first piece of merch I’ve ever had! I’m stoked to take it out on the road and get my street team to work. Twenty thousand followers don’t clothe themselves, you know! I want you guys to be cozy, I want you to be comfy, I want you to be branded.

Get yours today, immediately, I mean right now!   This is a limited edition of 99 pieces! Whoa that’s under 100, because I made one for myself!

This Badinia beanie is all you need to get people asking questions, like- what does your hat mean, how do you say it, and where did you get it?  Answers: I don’t know, I don’t know, and Badinia.com!

So, You’re Going To A Comedy Festival!

So, you’re going to a comedy festival! Congratulations!

It’s so exciting for a new comic to be accepted into a comedy festival! You’re going to travel, meet other comics, do shows, and have fun!

My Credentials

Who am I to tell you this stuff? I’ve done festivals like Sketchfest, Altercation, Bridgetown, LAFF, WICW in Boston, All Jane in Portland, Palm Springs Comedy Festival, Santa Cruz Comedy Festival, Big Pine Comedy Festival, NW Women’s Comedy Festival, Funny Women Festival, Chico Comedy Festival, and best of all, the Antelope Valley Comedy Festival.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: Should I drive or fly?

A: If the festival is within a day’s drive of your home, many comics will drive their own car because this affords the opportunity to bring all the weed they need. You can also save some scratch by sleeping in it!

Q: How many times can I expect to perform?

A: In some festivals, you’ll get 3 shows! These are great festivals! Sometimes, you’ll pay to fly yourself across the country to do one show in a small room for twenty people. These are “Festivals Virginia Jones doesn’t give a shit about returning to”

Q: What will I get in my swag bag?

A: Your festival swag bag is a Shroedinger’s box of mysteries. It could contain valuable merchandise and secret information! What it is likely to contain is coupons and small items the sponsors didn’t want, as well as the booker’s 2010 CD and a map to find the afterparty.

If you get a t-shirt, that’s pretty good!

The one thing ALL swag bags will contain is a laminate. The laminate will have your name on it and it is your key to parties, your shows, and any other shows that aren’t too popular.

If your comedy festival doesn’t have a laminate, it’s not a real festival, and it might be a human trafficking ring. Go home.

Q: Will I meet famous people?

A: No. Famous comics don’t go to the afterparties, so you’ll be likeliest to meet comedy celebrities if they happen to be on a show with you, and are not going up too far ahead or after their slot. Don’t worry, you can still add “Opened for (famous comic)” to your bio right away!

Q: Will the festival bookers be super funny people who can help me in the industry?

A: In most cases, the people you are sending your thirty bucks and tape to, the people you are throwing yourself open to for judgement, are no funnier or more successful than you are. They’re just the people who got it together to throw a festival. Your thirty bucks bought them a couple days of burritos and weed.

Q: Will I get DISCOVERED at a festival?

A: There are a couple festivals that can be really good for your career! They are in Montreal and Edinburgh! Most other festivals will really just expose you to local comedy fans and other festival comics.

Q: If I’m not going to mix with the headliners, the bookers are just some dudes who live here, and I won’t get discovered, what am I doing the festival for?

A: Good question! There are three great reasons to go to festivals.

The Credit

At the start of your comedy career, being one of the 85 top applicants to the Pig’s Snout, Arkansas Crawdad Bake and Comedy Festival is a flex! Let everyone know. All the time.

The Shows

Especially if you are from a small scene, these festivals are an opportunity to do some big shows in front of people you don’t know! If you do well, it can feel really good, and if you don’t, it will be educational!

The Other Comics

Seeing the acts of comics from other places is really good for your development. Watching only the acts of the comics in your scene can limit your growth. Maybe you’ll learn that your scene really is the funniest there is! Maybe not! But connecting and networking with comics at or near your own level will give you opportunities to perform in their towns, and visit their scenes! This is, in my opinion, the most important thing about a festival. You’ll run into many of these people again and again through your life, and you can have a laugh and remember, years later, how excited you were to get the t-shirts with the little pig snout and crawdad on it.

In-Unit Laundry Valentine!

LA’s favorite roommates, the gorgeous behemoth M.K. Paulsen and swingin’ cool dude Simon Gibson present In-Unit Laundry, the Valentine edition. Come out and get romantic with me and Stephen Agei and Debra DiGiovanni and Danny Palumbo at the new and improved Lyric Hyperion! Let’s cuddle and tousle each other’s hair! Comedically! Tickets here!