My Sisters on Good Morning, America
The camera loves my sisters, and they love to give me the business. I especially like how my mother gets cut off in the middle of her favorite phrase, “Listen to your mother!”
Astoria!
What would you do if you opened up Astoria’s Coastal Weekend publication and this advertisement stared you in the face? Up to 30 people came down to watch two ladies doing comedy in the Pacific Northwest’s oldest standing masonic lodge. Many thanks to the hilarious Susan Rice for showing me how it’s done.
Number 1 Crush!
Everybody has one, their first painful, awful, wonderful, unrequited crush? Right? Anyone? This is mine,Jeremy Schwartz. In my Junior High yearbook, he was voted Funniest Boy. He was active in drama and was a generally hilarious guy. I had never met a hipster before, or that many Jewish boys, and I liked him so much that I talked like a crazy person every time we met.
I know a lot of you are saying; “But how could you ever be socially awkward?” but believe me when I say: Late bloomer. Something about being raised by a man who had no friends kept my social skills weak. When the day came that I asked a friend of his what he thought of me, I got the answer, “He’s pretty creeped out.” This did not dissuade me from planning to name our first child Echo Schwartz, after Echo and the Bunnymen.
Fast forward twenty years, and I found his name in an IMDB listing for the fantastic Strangers with Candy, and dropping Viper-related wisdom on Sopranos, and I was thrilled to when Tivo fished him out of an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger as a snitch named Nicky. Spouse was vaguely horrified to see that I was looking at an episode of W,TR, and then said flatly, “Oh. It’s the guy from the yearbook.” When I heard him speak his lines, telling Chuck Norris’ friends that he would tell them anything to stay out of prison, I time-traveled back to 1987. I have maximum respect for his pursuit of his art, and I am so knocked out by some of the credits he’s racked up, I wanted to post his first dedicated fan page here, in an attempt to spice up his Google search.
Ten Thousand!
Well, it’s been coming for several weeks now, and I’ve been trying to think of something clever to write about it and have failed miserably. Happy 10,000 website hits, everybody! Google will probably buy me out soon. It’s been great!
P.S. I’m happy to say that the bestest band ever, Peroxide Mocha, is back in action after four quiet years- click on the picture above to hear their inspirational song, “Good Ideas.”
No Questions, No Photos
I know some people have been asking when they can see me do comedy. Good news! I have been invited to do a half an hour of material featuring for one of my favorite chicks, the hilarious Susan Rice, on December 14th. The bad news is that it’s in Astoria, OR, at the Labor Temple, at 934 Duane St. I hope that Ron Bennington will be pleased I’m doing a gig where Goonies was filmed.
If you like comedy and live in Astoria, please come! Especially if you’re my hairdresser’s mom, the wonderful Kristi Bullock from Do! Rad Cuts And Color.
As long as I’m plugging, please vote for Susan in Ziddio’s Lucky 21 contest!
Postscript: Wednesday, Dec 5th (Next Week!) I will be doing 15 minutes at the Hungry Tiger Too at 9!
207 SE 12th Ave
Portland, OR 97214
PIZZAZZ, where is thy STING?
I had the most fun ever last night not winning anything (except the hearts of the audience) in the sold-out Mercury Pizzazz talent show, thank you so much for attending if you were in attendance. Here is some behind-the-scenes gossip:
1. After the first act, the stagehands were walkie-talking each other about the vast amounts of unicorn blood that had to be mopped up.
2. One of CJ’s dolls was a replacement from that very week, speaking to the hard work and talent involved!
3. The question that everyone has about Diamond Motion’s Madison is answered by the phrase: stuffing and wig tape.
4. White Stripes and Arcade Fire be damned, the music that rocks Portland is by Miss Bonnie Tyler, whose Total Eclipse of the Heart and Holding Out For A Hero opened and closed the show, respectively.
5. The song I used in my tap routine is the subtle and hilarious Hell, by Angel Corpus Christi.
Congratulations to acrobatic masters KAZUM for their second-place winnings of $500 and a pile of street cred! It was an amazing moment when the #1 spot was given to a breakdancing act, because of the rush of hot air BOOOs flowing over the stage. (This is where I met my friend Jesse Fowler, who still loves burning man but has stopped being an acrobat and has started being a vintage bakelite specialist!)
Although we did not get to watch the show in the green room, as I understand it, this broken and bloody apocalyptic unicorn was a ROBBED, being the crowd favorite who didn’t win:
A sad story, indeed!
I’ve Got Pizzazz!
I got the shoulder tap today confirming that I will be competing in PIZZAZZ, the Portland Mercury Talent Show, on Friday, October 26th at the Wonder Ballroom. I know that a fire dancer/stripper/bike activist will win, so I am free to relax and have fun with it. I think what swung them on my entry was the fact that while Jerry Lewis used to incorporate tap dance and comedy, no-one has ever done both in a dolly outfit.
I have been slyly advised that people with cheering sections sway judging. If only I had one of those…see results here!