FAQ’s on my first Portland Marathon:
Q1. Did the St. Johns’ Bridge suck?
A1. Maybe for babies. It wasn’t nearly as rough as the Golden Gate bridge.
Q2. What deep thoughts did you have at mile 15?
A2. If someone had told me a year ago that I would want to stop at mile 15 and fill my socks with Vaseline, I would have called ’em crazy, but there I was.
Q3. What was the best thing you saw all day?
A3. In industrial Northwest, a baby stroller with an English Bulldog puppy in it. That actually might be the best thing I’ve seen, ever.
Q4. Can you finish a long race without getting black toenails?
A4. Evidently not, no.
Q5. What was your super-secret 256K playlist on your $12 mp3 player?
A5. You can see it here, if you want to. When I was finishing, “Positive Vibrations” came up, and it was helpful, because I was just starting to think that time had stopped and that I would be trapped in the 25th mile in a Groundhog’s Day manner.
Q6. What business did you most enjoy running past?
A6. The adult video store, Fat Cobra.
Q7. What kind of time did you finish in?
A7. I finished ten minutes under my estimated time at 5:20. I am happy with it. No, really, I am!
Q8. What deep thoughts did you have at Mile 23?
A8. Words that can be formed out of the letters in Portland: Art, Pot, Port, Land, Pardon, Patrol, Patron, Portal, Adopt, Adorn, Apron, Plant, Polar, Nodal, Opal, Drop, Pod, LARP, Lap, Pal, Rot, Tan, Nor, Toad, Rapt, Pond. Best Anagram: Pant Lord.
Q9. Did you hit “The Wall?”
A9. No, I just ran slowly for 5 hours, walked for twenty minutes, ate some cookies and went home.
Q10. What was the most Portland-y thing you saw?
A10. A runner in my pace group was not wearing shoes or a shirt, and had his timing chip taped around his ankle. His feet were uglier than most people’s.
Q11. Can encouraging spectators pronounce “Badinia?”
A11. No, but it was nice of them to try.
Here is a picture of me and Hazel, after one of us ran a marathon and the other slept in and chewed on an artificial squirrel.
