Baby Wants Pole
It’s honest, is what it is. A cheerful, grinning pole dancer is the only female role model America really wants. That’s why Miley Cyrus got on on a pole at 16 at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, and why she was cheerfully twerking on Robin Thicke’s crotch at the VMA’s in 2013. (And don’t worry, everyone acted like they were outraged in 2009, and her Dad acted embarrassed and said “I don’t know where she learned that” and the answer was, then too, “from her choreographer that painstakingly created the routine.”)
That’s why Britney was on a pole when she was 18 and one second. We might be living through another Republican White House if Sarah Palin had just dropped the soundbites and climbed a pole. These things don’t come from nowhere and marketing doesn’t lie. Don’t pretend you’re shocked. Don’t pretend to be surprised when teen idols play strippers, again and again- Performers do what is asked of them. Feminism has fallen down gone boom and we all need to pick it the fuck up.
For one second, think about whether you, as a person with lady parts, have ever said “It’s fun to go to the strip club an’ get attention from the dancers!”, or said “Those Suicide Girls seem pretty self-actualized, because having tattoos means you’re your own person!” and realize that you might be part of the problem. Being comfortable with your own body and sexuality has gotten confused with being porn-positive and chauvinist-friendly to an uncomfortable degree. Moby tried to bring up how misogynist the Robin Thicke video for Blurred Lines was, and everyone shouted him down like he was an asshole. I’m not talking about suppressing freedom of expression, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t do exactly what pleases you- I’m just saying, if you don’t like the society we’re living in, own your part in creating it.
And girls, you don’t have to let boys grind on you at a club if you don’t want them to. You don’t have to send them nude pictures on your phone. And for chrissakes, don’t laugh at them if they aren’t funny.
Hey! Serious for a second! That was weird, huh.
Besides, the VMA’s are where fake scandals are made. Sacha Baron Cohen putting his balls in Eminem’s face. Kanye cockblocking Taylor Swift. Russell Brand joking about the Jonas Brothers. Diana Ross grabbing lil Kim’s boob. Madonna humping the floor. Courtney Love dissing Madonna. Madonna kissing Britney. Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress. What’s it gonna be next year? More importantly, how long are you rubes gonna keep walking down the midway?
